me: My toots are unparalleled, i am a prodigy, when i die my works will be as revered as those of socrates

also me: yeet your meat through the toilet seat

Somebody is selling herbal medicine as an alternative to booze and they are 100% vampires.

So I just found out about this bit from the Wikipedia entry for Glitter.

Photo (sfw photo, no eye contact) Show more

Bryce Youngquist regrets the error of creating a series of bots to remind himself about 9/11. It appears they grew rowdy and insolent. As per Youngquist family rules regarding rampant AI, all have been fined 50 dollars and told not to do so again.

ME: [orders a toilet seat]
THE ALL-KNOWING EYE OF PROFIT: Heyyy it’s Mr. Toilet Seat, what’s up man. I got 18 more of your favorite thing, check it out:

Capitalism has built up a trillion dollar global panopticon and pretty much all they use it for is to try to get us to buy more batteries or whatever fuckin product we just casually mentioned out loud.

Folks if you get a chance to pick up some Jin Xuan/milk oolong, you better take it.

Someone discussing a hockey injury on television just said, "you never know with groins," and it's true, you never know with groins

My only kink is humiliating myself by pretending fish sauce tastes good

Pleased to announce that my plan to bribe users with opulent gemstones and rare coins has paid off and I have finally been included in a .

i keep peeing my pants because all the self care people keep telling me to drink water... please help...

Blowing on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich to cool it down before I eat it.

"If I had $1,000,000" by Barenaked Ladies is in the running for worst song of all time.

Show more
Mastodon

Follow friends and discover new ones. Publish anything you want: links, pictures, text, video. This server is run by the main developers of the Mastodon project. Everyone is welcome as long as you follow our code of conduct!