the cops stop me with a shoulder bag of corn. it's still on the cob. i've done nothing wrong.

a handsome typewriter dating a lady octopus. he's looking to put one in the pink and one in the ink.

pilot: you want a night cap?

plane: i just wanna crash

thinking outside the box about how to get into the box later

the three mice weren't blind but lying about being blind is probably better than admitting the truth, that they were necrophiliacs.

he said he's only joking you piece of sh*t, open your dang ears

it's 2020 where in hell are the hamdawgs™️

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@Pixley dress for the job you want, and that job is "rocketeer"

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sometimes i think it would be nice to be one of those sparkling and ethereal enbies who trips through life on a sunbeam?? but lo i am a gutter enby

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When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

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the governement can take my freedom, but they will not take my runescape gold
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And this is why I'm a 6th year undergrad still taking 3rd year classes....

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when someone has a cracking avi but can't post anything worthy of it

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Get yourself together, man. Move to Belize. Buy a houseboat. Start a seapunk band. Get six or seven roommates. Drink ayahuasca with them. Book some gigs. Paint. Smoke road flares. Listen to The Decemberists. Start some type of maritime salvage company.

hugging the pancake, but in a professional way until I blow it with a little pat on the ass....a little pat of butter.

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much like the kids online "build walls in fortnite" i "build walls inside of myself to keep any vulnerability from coming out"

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