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Pandora Parrot

There are a few people that I find cute and adorable and whatnot, some of whom have expressed interest in dating me... And... I don't want to. It's weird.

I am eating french onion soup, and it is delicious.

Regardless of the validity of the comparison (Hint: It's garbage), THEY think of them as being identical, and I'm starting to really understand it a bit better. It sucks.

Reading this stuff about pup hoods and talking about it is making me realize that this is how my shitty family perceived transgender people, and why they were so disgusted with me transitioning and had to keep me away from kids.

I'm seriously thinking about taking myself out on a date tonight, I'm so burnt out on people. Maybe go to a nice restaurant and then a library or something.

After my boyfriend left after our weekly date last night, I was just EXHAUSTED. We'd had an amazing date, but like... I didn't even run to see my live-in partners like usual. I just collapsed in bed and watched a little more game of thrones.

I don't generally need a lot of me time. My schedule typically includes two days of it a week. (Me time being time without friends or partners.)

However, I still need some, and I've actually managed to hit my limit. I need me time tonight OMG.

(Just watched Adam Ruins Everything episode for Halloween, is why I'm talking about psychics.)

It's amazing to watch people be tricked by "psychics." It's so obviously a trick, and yet people buy it.

It's a lot of work for both of us to navigate some of our issues, sometimes resulting in absurd and ridiculous arguments and fights. But we're patient with each other. We seek understanding. It's just hard.

My wife is mentally ill. Shi has PTSD, clinical paranoia, anxiety, all mixed with a fun dose of ADHD. It can make a lot of things hard, sometimes. It can take a lot of work and patience sometimes to work through.

I'm not without my own issues. I struggle with some really intense depression, exacerbated by my alopecia universalis, as well as my own less intense PTSD, and a super intense dissociation with my emotions. Also, lots of communication issues due to being very literal/etc.

Sucky weekend a bit. I ran into a situation where my wife and I got into a stupid fight all day Sunday, and I wasn't able to do music instead. :(

Running an event for the intersex and genderqueer recognition project today!!

Hm. Not feeling too social today. Not sure why. Kinda wanna just keep to myself a bit today.

I don't know why, but I've been feeling a HELL of a lot more social lately. I think my depression is lifting? I'm chatting on twitter/mastodon, discord, AND telegram more.

I love keyboards. Like. I just love the look of musical keyboards. The order of them. The harsh contrast of black and white keys. I love them so.

I think I just composed a weird loop on my JP-08's step sequencer? I like it tho. I should record and share.

Now? Letting go of "doing it right" and just experimenting and playing? Holy shit, music is so much fun. I'll spend hours just making noise in my office "studio!" I don't care if it's "good" or whatever. I'M MAKING NOISE!!!!!!!!!!

I have a lot of trouble generating general principles from specific instances fo things. Like recognizing common drum patterns from listening to a bunch of music. I need to study it to see that sort of thing.

I need to be really deliberate about stuff. Learn about the patterns, watch for them, and start to see them and learn more from seeing what's around them.