Right-wing conspiracy theories 

"Jet fuel can't melt steel beams" has birthed "forest fires can't melt any car metal" (they can, actually), and the right now believes there are directed energy weapons melting cars that just happened to be in forest fires.

Hey I’m back on Mastodon woooooo. fuck that bird site for suspending my account again

There’s these homeless dudes piss ass drunk and beating the shit out of each other outside of the building where I work.

This guy in the office next to me is listening to Mumford and Sons really loudly and I want to chuck a bottle at his head so bad.

find u a partner who loves u as much as cormac mccarthy loves writing about babies being eaten

I just read about 54 cases of severe bleeding being reported in Wisconsin last month because of fake weed with rat poison in it. Why are people still smoking that shit?

My roommates created a group chat for handling bills and such and the first thing I do is start ranting about politics and sending memes. Twitter has ruined me.

I love it when I’m writing and I come up with hilarious puns for masturbation entirely on accident.

Should I lecture the crowd about the labor movement between songs during our set tonight?

I’m happy the Seahawks are gonna blow ass this year because fuck Pete Carroll lol

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