not sure if my eyes betray me or if he actually gets hotter every day

i'm starting to accept that at my core i'm just a sheltered white emo kid & honestly god bless

i'm just gonna go into robot mode for the next like 24 hrs & basically just do my stupid job & go home & if it makes me feel like shit great & if it makes me feel happy great but i'm gonna try not to project as much

my apologies mostly to myself for being a drag all the time i need to chill

i just wish i could stop sabotaging myself ive been battling this ever since i first started working there

i'm tired of feeling inferior to others every single day

i keep sabotaging myself by convincing myself that he's gonna stop giving a shit completely, & one of these days that's gonna turn out to be true

i rly feel like waiting all day to see him, exchanging like 4 words w him & then going home to have a 3 hr nap where i dream abt him is just slightly unhealthy. no joke, i have these dreams daily now

i know it's unfounded but i cant help but worry that in the time that weve been apart hes found someone better than me

hes either acting chill and aloof or he doesnt feel for me as strongly as i do for him n im scared

not seeing him for days at a time and then when i do it's only for a little while is driving me insane

becuz everyone at work is so nice i wanna chill with all of them not just my luv altho thatd be my main prerogative

we did that at my old job for new years & tho that's like 5 months away thats what im holding out for tbh

i wonder if they ever have like staff get togethers where we show up in our regular clothes & just hang out i hope so thatd be fun

and why tf are they giving me all morning shifts i want to kms

whyd they schedule my love's weekend right after mine this isnt fair i miss him

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