Richard Goodness @richardgoodness@mastodon.social

That's the thing about games critics. I keep getting older, and they keep staying the same age.

The best part about accidentally finding yourself looking up articles on Critical Distance is finding that the same assholes are curating the same shitty articles by the same assholes from the same shitty B-student at a shitty grad school perspective.

Today my boss promoted me to sous chef.

OH MY GOD DO NOT ORDER A SEITAN BOWL. DO NOT BRING IN YOUR BABY TO TRACK FECES OVER OUR FLOOR. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Do straight couples make anyone else want to fucking puke

I'm in such a bad mood I don't feel like taking care of good customers, let alone straight couples.

GO THE FUCK AWAY STRAIGHT COUPLES. THERE IS NO POINT TO YOUR EXISTENCE. GET STERILIZED.

Some mornings you come into work only to find a surprise in the oven. Guess we all forgot to take out the chicken yesterday...

A banh mi with seitan--in other words, a baguette with strips of high-gluten paste as a filling. Imagine the chew on this thing, and notice the sriracha mayo the customer requested, which suggests he's not vegan.

I think this might be a playlist that they made just for this restaurant; I am going to delete it tomorrow morning because this is just ridiculous.

Writing a hook and repeating it for 6 minutes is not music. You need to write the rest of the fucking song, and would it kill you to use a different drumbeat once in a while?

After listening to the same 30 song reggae playlist at work for two days straight, I can now formally conclude that it is the worst genre.

Looks like harassing these assholes in restaurants works. I will do my part if a Trump person ever enters where I'm at.

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/07/05/politics/scott-pruitt-epa-resigns/index.html

If the fellow wearing a shirt saying "Play Ukulele and Write Songs" orders a seitan bowl, I will commit a felony, and no court will convict me.

Two separate people have brought babies into the restaurant what the fuck is wrong with people

@sculpin A riddle for your Sunday morning!

Q. What's worse than baked beans?

A. Cold baked beans that have congealed and which defy gravity.

There should be a term similar to "butterface" except it's when the hottest dude ever comes into your restaurant and orders seitan.

I can't believe there's even a single person on this rotten planet who even likes baked beans.

(Admittedly, ours are particularly vile since they're just "open a can of precooked baked beans and add a couple spices", but still! I guess I was exposed to too much Double Dare as a kid.)

Is there no sight more beautiful or delicious than that of seitan simmering away?

The worst part about cooking food for straight couples on dates is since most of their marriage end in divorce, it's really just a waste of time for all of us. If only they could control their genitalia, we'd all be a lot better off.

I normally don't wish explosive diarrhea on my customers, but I'll make an exception for the 10 top that came in in the middle of a rush and tipped 10%.