Lucas Lee: Somebody bring me my board!
Wallace Wells: Hi, big fan.
Lucas Lee: Why wouldn't you be?
Scott Pilgrim: You know this girl?
Roxy Richter: Oh boy, does she know me.
Scott Pilgrim: What is she talking about?
Roxy Richter: He really doesn't know?
Scott Pilgrim: Wait...
Knives Chau: Go ahead. I'm too cool for you anyway.
Other Scott: And you didn't bang her? Are you gay?
Scott Pilgrim: I couldn't stop thinking about my stupid ex-girlfriend.
Jimmy: Is that the Uma Thurman movie?
Scott Pilgrim: Hey You totally came!
Ramona V. Flowers: Yes I did totally come...
Matthew Patel: This is impossible. How can this be?
Scott Pilgrim: Open your eyes. Maybe you'll see!
Scott Pilgrim: That's it! You cocky cock! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity.
Young Neil: He punched the highlights out of her hair!
Kim Pine: Scott Pilgrim, you're the salt of the earth.
Scott Pilgrim: Thanks, Kim.
Kim Pine: I meant "scum" of the earth.
Scott Pilgrim: I have to pee.
Gideon Gordon Graves: Yeah. Still my girl.
Ramona V. Flowers: Let's both be girls.
Scott Pilgrim: So what you're saying is we're dating?
Ramona V. Flowers: I guess.
Scott Pilgrim: Does that mean we can make out?
Ramona V. Flowers: Sure.
Julie Powers: So, what can I *censored* get you?
Scott Pilgrim: Is there anywhere you don't work?
Julie Powers: They're called jobs, something a *censored* ball like you wouldn't know anything about. And by the way, I can't *censored* believe you asked Ramona out after I specifically told you not to *censored* do that!
Scott Pilgrim: How are you doing that with your mouth?
Julie Powers: Never *censored* mind how I'm doing it!
Ramona V. Flowers: Listen, I know I can be hard to be around sometimes. I totally understand if you don't want to hang anymore.
Scott Pilgrim: No, no, I want to hang. It's... You know, the whole evil ex-boyfriend thing...
Ramona V. Flowers: Exes...
Scott Pilgrim: It's no biggie. Um. You know, I know it's early, but I don't think anything can get in the way of how I SHIT!
Envy Adams: You are incorrigible.
Todd Ingram: I don't know the meaning of the word.
Text: He really doesn't.
Scott Pilgrim: Why can't we have our own secret shows?
Kim Pine: All of our shows are secret shows.
Stacey Pilgrim: 17-year-old? Scandal.
Scott Pilgrim: Who told you.
Stacey Pilgrim: Wallace, duh.
Scott Pilgrim: That gossipy bitch.
Wallace Wells: You know me.
Gideon Gordon Graves: Do you have any idea how long it took me to get all the evil exes' contact information so I could form this stupid league? Like, two hours! *Two hours!*
Scott Pilgrim: Amazon.ca! What's the website for that?
Wallace Wells: Amazon.ca
Roxy Richter: Your BF's about to get eff'd in the b!