when I first ran D&D, my grandmother, who had bought fully into the IT'S SATANISM hype, insisted on sitting and watching the first session
about an hour in, she threw her hands up and yelled 'THIS IS JUST MATH' and stormed off
@slightlyflightyone blood sacrifices and spellcraft, mostly
@senatormeow That sounds like a serious ethics violation.
@senatormeow this is the absolute best reaction anecdote to a game of D&D I have ever and will ever read or hear in my LIFE
@senatormeow IM CACKLING
@dayglochainsaw idk what she expected
like I was gonna open the Fiend Folio and start binding a flumph to my will or something
@senatormeow what fundamentalists expect D&D to be like: the evil "dungeon master" must force the players to commit horrific acts in submission to his satanic will
What D&D is actually like:
DM: You can't... you can't fucking cross the river by seducing it. You just can't. I'm begging you not to do this.
Player: *rolls a nat 20* I SUCCESSFULLY SEDUCE THE RIVER
professional beanie babie 
@dayglochainsaw @senatormeow im giggling so hard rn holy shit
@dayglochainsaw @senatormeow And the DM grins whenever anplayer rolls a 1.
Riley 
@dayglochainsaw The river nymph rises from the waters and carries you across the river on her back. She then tosses you a seashell mouthing "Call me"
@dayglochainsaw @senatormeow ok so this is lilke 2 weeks later but loadingreadyrun just released a crapshot about p much exactly this and i feel like you need to be aware of it https://youtu.be/K9qlQHsdoYo
@dayglochainsaw @senatormeow I remember my first game as a DM.
"So, now the night is falling…"
*Player rolls a nat 20* "I dodge!"
@dayglochainsaw @senatormeow buddy they won’t even let ME fuck the river
@dayglochainsaw @senatormeow uh exCUSE ME but in D&D, RAW, you can't critically succeed or fail a skill check
@senatormeow OMG is it okay if I take a screenshot of this and share it elsewhere? I'll link back here.
@senatormeow math is just satanism with less fancy candles
@senatormeow as I've heard elsewhere, it's not unlike bingo, where one person shouts numbers and other people get excited over them
@senatormeow i mean, ultimately, everything is just math
@unicornhunt I believe the words out of my mouth were "and now I can teach you REAL magic"
@senatormeow @ashfurrow Math and book keeping
@tapi @senatormeow @ashfurrow don't forget poor communication!
@senatormeow Well.. math plus Satan.
@senatormeow Wait, math isn't considered satanism anymore?
@senatormeow Technically, it's arithmetics and a bit of combinatorial theory :)
@senatormeow Sorry to hear about your grandmother's disappointment. Sounded like she was pretty enthusiastic about trying out the Satanism thing, too.
@senatormeow Math + accounting
@senatormeow Maths is the Devils work
@senatormeow our nerdy secrets, exposed!
@senatormeow MATH IS THE DEVIL!
@senatormeow MATH = SATANISM confirmed
@senatormeow I would be disappointed too.
@senatormeow - how disappointing. lol
!!! dumpster!!fish ! !! @senatormeow exactly. it is evil
@senatormeow this makes me so happy
@senatormeow Conclusion: Math is Satanism
@senatormeow Ah, so she was not incorrect in her initial thoughts then ;-)
@senatormeow Satan only gives instructions as Dungeon Master when you play Led Zeppelin records backwards.
@senatormeow What did she think satanism was? It really is just all math with some political philosophy and basic empathy thrown in. 🤓