Pinned toot

The hit TV show Seinfeld except all of the jokes in the cold open are just @j997922 toots.

Pinned toot

Why do people always think glasses make you look smart? You have to fail an exam to get them.

Pinned toot

You awake in a strange chamber, light flickering in from a crack in the ceiling. The walls and floor are made of smooth stone, with no visible seams aside from the aforementioned crack. There is a pedestal with a small box on it in the center of the room. Set in the walls are two doors, one to the north, and one too the south.

What do you do?

Pinned toot

If fathers are covered in skin, are forefathers covered in foreskin?

Pinned toot

Funny, long story that will make you hate me when I'm done. 

Each new funko pop is actually designed to look like his next victim.

A manifesto delivered to news papers around the country, signed with a silhouette of a funko pop.

All the different funko pops sealed in plastic evidence bags, tacked to a wall with strings hung between them in a web, a detective staring into those void, black eyes, and yelling "I WILL FIND YOU!"

I can't wait for there to be a serial killer who leaves a funko pop at the scene of the crime, and the media comes up with something stupid like "The Funko Pop Killer".

I wonder how many people in the star trek universe say something along the lines of "computer, fleshlight, warm"

philosophy is the dumbest field when taken too seriously because you’ll get guys who say shit like “I’ve proven beyond a doubt that we don’t have free will, and nobody has been able to properly refute me.” oh you’ve proven huh just did a math problem
and looked at some shit under a microscope? shut up bitch saying shit like a + b = delta doesn’t make you a scientist go read Aristotle.

Bad news I didn't eat that bowl of cereal sorry not sorry

If you are what you eat, then you're 7-8 insects over your life time

Ten minutes before I'm supposed to go to bed, do I eat a bowl of captain crunch?

Posting the entire lyrics to Through the Fire and Flames under a cw of uspol is uh great.

pol, hottake 

pol, hottake 

pol, hottake 

pol, hottake 

pol, hottake 

When you think about it, it took us 66 years from the first heavier-than-air powered flight to putting someone on the moon. 66 years, that's just 2/3 of a century.

what if both of the women wanted to cut the baby in half. what then king solomon. do you just adopt it yourself or what

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