Sensual Ben Franklin @sexybenfranklin@mastodon.social

The hit TV show Seinfeld except all of the jokes in the cold open are just @j997922 toots.

Why do people always think glasses make you look smart? You have to fail an exam to get them.

You awake in a strange chamber, light flickering in from a crack in the ceiling. The walls and floor are made of smooth stone, with no visible seams aside from the aforementioned crack. There is a pedestal with a small box on it in the center of the room. Set in the walls are two doors, one to the north, and one too the south.

What do you do?

If fathers are covered in skin, are forefathers covered in foreskin?

Once upon a time, there was a man. This man was like any other man, save for one thing. He owned a black shark, and he kept it in a white pool. I know what you're thinking; why does he have a black shark in his white pool. Well, the man had a rule that he would never tell anyone, and that no one was supposed to ask him about it. He told everyone he became close with, "don't ask me about my black shark in my white pool."

I cannot even imagine what it takes to be so online that you need to take a break. I have simply never been that online.

I have seen duck's blood but I don't want to ruin the joke.

Once Eugen implements the follower transplant function I might actually move off m.s.

Where should I move? Radtown? Myasstodon?
Self hosted instance?

I miss JK

Scrobbling is short for scrot-gobbling

Talking to my coworker who just lost his brother about how weird grief is, and he's felt the same way I felt when my dad passed. He was like "you cry yourself out and then you don't know what to do."

The AV Club Published a picture of me once.

The first thing I ever saw Eric Andre in was Don't Trust The Bitch In Apartment 23, so all of his other performances seem weird to me with that reference point

If I wanted to run a Pelroma instance, where would be the best place to find anime girl fascists to populate the instance?

I'm not about to load my photo into some random website @PublicChaffinch found, but I suspect I too would be described as a "fornicateress".

Disenchantment Season One Part Two this Friday.

Each new funko pop is actually designed to look like his next victim.

A manifesto delivered to news papers around the country, signed with a silhouette of a funko pop.

All the different funko pops sealed in plastic evidence bags, tacked to a wall with strings hung between them in a web, a detective staring into those void, black eyes, and yelling "I WILL FIND YOU!"