Tin Can Max @sexybenfranklin@mastodon.social

Why do people always think glasses make you look smart? You have to fail an exam to get them.

You awake in a strange chamber, light flickering in from a crack in the ceiling. The walls and floor are made of smooth stone, with no visible seams aside from the aforementioned crack. There is a pedestal with a small box on it in the center of the room. Set in the walls are two doors, one to the north, and one too the south.

What do you do?

If fathers are covered in skin, are forefathers covered in foreskin?

Once upon a time, there was a man. This man was like any other man, save for one thing. He owned a black shark, and he kept it in a white pool. I know what you're thinking; why does he have a black shark in his white pool. Well, the man had a rule that he would never tell anyone, and that no one was supposed to ask him about it. He told everyone he became close with, "don't ask me about my black shark in my white pool."

A coworker has a tattoo that when she got it she thought it said "If I were rain, I would go where there is no water." but she later found out it said "If I die, you can't make me drink water." to which I responded "Ah, the old saying 'You can lead a corpse to water, but you can't make him drink.'"

People: Oh you have a physics degree, you must be very smart.

Me: That's what they tell me.

Later, me to my wife: you should put the butterfly on the cat and then the lizard on the butterfly for better balance.

Brooko's Basalisk

I had two Facebook memories from 2011 today about Burn Notice, so I'm trying to get my friend from college who also liked it to produce a podcast where we rewatch it and talk about it and call it The Burn Book or some equally silly name.

Somehow I managed to accidentally unfollow Matt, and I've never felt further from the Turban Sage's wisdom

If I might suggest a moron to dunk on, let me suggest Major Bee.

They're getting mad at being called a Nazi because they're spouting "Hitler was socialist" nonsense on @Gargron's cross poster meme

Writing lyrics to a parody of Ten Thousand Fists called Ten Thousand Toots where its just snippets from my best and worst toots.

Eternally impressed that The Amazing Screw-On Head got a pilot and eternally gutted it didnt get green-lit.

It was supposed to be The Torch of Liberty but I'm probably the only person on earth who cares about the distinction and also I love Lobster Johnson so who cares.

Even if his presence on the night of Hellboy's arrival was wrong.

Honestly, the mere fact that they put Lobster Johnson on screen not once, but twice, was enough to make me like Hellboy 2019.

I tried to make funnel cakes tonight but pro tip don't do it in a deep fryer you just end up with funnel fragments.

Terrible to know that I've been subjecting the Internet to nearly 10k toots.

Is highly engineered Larry bait.

I enjoyed the 2008 Frank Miller screen adaptation of The Spirit.

Y'all hyped Jer-posts up, and lemme tell you... It was well deserved

One time, for spirit day in highschool, I dressed up like The Spirit, the Will Eisner character.

No wonder I didn't get laid until I graduated.

Watching Robert Rodriguez make a cauliflower pizza breaks my damn heart.