Pinned toot

Why do people always think glasses make you look smart? You have to fail an exam to get them.

Pinned toot

The hit TV show Seinfeld except all of the jokes in the cold open are just @j997922 toots.

Pinned toot

You awake in a strange chamber, light flickering in from a crack in the ceiling. The walls and floor are made of smooth stone, with no visible seams aside from the aforementioned crack. There is a pedestal with a small box on it in the center of the room. Set in the walls are two doors, one to the north, and one too the south.

What do you do?

Pinned toot

If fathers are covered in skin, are forefathers covered in foreskin?

Pinned toot

Funny, long story that will make you hate me when I'm done. 

Once upon a time, there was a man. This man was like any other man, save for one thing. He owned a black shark, and he kept it in a white pool. I know what you're thinking; why does he have a black shark in his white pool. Well, the man had a rule that he would never tell anyone, and that no one was supposed to ask him about it. He told everyone he became close with, "don't ask me about my black shark in my white pool."

Cracking open a cold one* on a hot summer day.

*Tin of anchovies

Okay cool Tusky is doing that thing where it just doesn't want to upload photos

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@requrious I just got an email on my alt instance about a hash tag for review, and when I saw which, I just thought "Oh req"

I got two ads for Christian TV programming on Facebook, and a follow from some ministry on Masto.

Sorry, ain't buyin'.

Personally, I think fireworks are kinda boring unless they're set to music.

Today I ordered a grill. It's a pellet grill. I am a pellet guy now.

The implication that I am horny in any capacity is either libel or slander (depending on how it is communicated) and will be answered with the full force of applicable laws.

People who say they need a gun for the revolution are just the left's answer to the people on the right who say they need a gun for home self defense.

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I'll never get on board with the whole "proletariat must never be disarmed" mindset. Reading about people shooting other people over being told they need to wear a mask just proves that no one deserves guns.

Subtooting @LuigiEsq by just tooting "lol that mfer's typo" into the void

Sisyphus was the first gamer and the stone was his matchmaking rating

Love to make a post looking for one more for a one-shot RPG game knowing I will get no bites because it's not 5e. Healthy state of the hobby

Apparently Mexico just made it illegal to repair your own PC.

Garth Rivers -> Garth Brooks -> Garth Streams -> Garth Creeks

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