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Once, I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Society is unfair."

I said, "Leftism can make society fair. Do you believe in leftism?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Are you a tankie or an anarchist?"

He said, "A tankie."

I said, "Me too! Leninist or Trotskyist?"

He said, "Trotskyist."

I said, "Me too! Socialist Workers Party or Independent Socialist Clubs?"

He said, "Socialist Workers Party,:

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Why do people always think glasses make you look smart? You have to fail an exam to get them.

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The hit TV show Seinfeld except all of the jokes in the cold open are just @j997922 toots.

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If fathers are covered in skin, are forefathers covered in foreskin?

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Funny, long story that will make you hate me when I'm done. 

Once upon a time, there was a man. This man was like any other man, save for one thing. He owned a black shark, and he kept it in a white pool. I know what you're thinking; why does he have a black shark in his white pool. Well, the man had a rule that he would never tell anyone, and that no one was supposed to ask him about it. He told everyone he became close with, "don't ask me about my black shark in my white pool."

If I currently follow you, you will be getting a follow request through the import tool. I hope you accept. If you follow me, I'll be migrating those all over once I've got everything set up.

Lol apparently it was approved in August and my email just hid it cool thanks gmail

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We all know I'm really just waiting to get approval on my request

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Alright, now that a friend got banned from m.s. I feel like I don't care about being here anymore, pitch me a new instance

There's some reaction girl on Youtube's front page sometimes with the name "SSSniperWolf" like just who thought that name was fine.

I really like Tusky's method of simply not showing you a filtered post.

Bakeoff Season Finale 

My tall Italian son did it!

Have I beaten @alex to this one, or has he already done it?

Nogg Vorbis

Got linked to a deal where a Wheel of Fortune hoodie with the one million wedge on it was $0 with free shipping but only for the 2xl

I'm going to bed, that you might temporarily know peace

Expecting to get some random in my mentions on this one being like "asexual people can have sex, they're just not sexually aroused by it" or something, to which I say, shut up

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Short Fiction 

And then no one was ever over 6 feet tall again.

Ogg and Vorbis are like a fungi and an algae and together they form a lichen named music, and that's why all music YouTubers ask you to lichen subscribe.

It's called Ace Attorney because Phoenix Wright canonically doesn't fuck

I love when someone makes a good joke and then I can make it worse

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