Muun @sfeertheorist@mastodon.social

Got hit with some disappointing news today that's left me feeling sad and useless. I try as a rule these days not to let people see me flinch as much because confidence is important but I feel really lousy about myself and my accomplishments or lack thereof right now.

Luo Binghe is fanon Sephroth, pass it on

Daiki does, in fact, have the best cleavage out of any of our characters.

There is a distinct difference in the MDZS fandom between the 30+ women who read the book and the teenaged kpop fans who came in with the show.

Otherwise known as: everyone right now

Current Mood: weighed down by crushing feelings of ennui and mediocrity

But even if I'm feeling kind of cold and isolated. That's....about to be expected in times like this. But oof. The reality checking I have to do is exhausting in of itself. Hopefully things will look brighter soon.

But boy, at least I'm grateful to be medicated rn. I can't imagine the state I'd be in if I weren't. I'd probably be anxiety bouncing everywhere.

But I have to remind myself people do like me, I do have talent, and I am going somewhere. I do have to remember that. I grew up surrounded by people who definitely didn't like me. So it's been hard for me to readjust that mindset even 30+ years later.

And in the normal way this might be a good time to get back to seeing my therapist but - uh, then corona happened.

My self-esteem got pretty shattered by That Awful Start Up I Worked For For A Hot Second and while I know intellectually that place was crazy and they chewed through everyone, I still haven't been able to reprove my worth to myself 100%

I have to remind myself I do have a decent audience for where I'm at. I'm not a complete scrub without talent. But everything's so strange at the moment it's hard not to let that feeling of helplessness creep into other things.