Quarantine may finally be getting to me. Definitely feeling a bit more down than usual. At least I have the presence of mind not to spiral but deffo not feeling pretty tired and useless at the moment. Fanfiction has been a nice break from that.
I have to remind myself I do have a decent audience for where I'm at. I'm not a complete scrub without talent. But everything's so strange at the moment it's hard not to let that feeling of helplessness creep into other things.
My self-esteem got pretty shattered by That Awful Start Up I Worked For For A Hot Second and while I know intellectually that place was crazy and they chewed through everyone, I still haven't been able to reprove my worth to myself 100%
And in the normal way this might be a good time to get back to seeing my therapist but - uh, then corona happened.
But I have to remind myself people do like me, I do have talent, and I am going somewhere. I do have to remember that. I grew up surrounded by people who definitely didn't like me. So it's been hard for me to readjust that mindset even 30+ years later.
But boy, at least I'm grateful to be medicated rn. I can't imagine the state I'd be in if I weren't. I'd probably be anxiety bouncing everywhere.
But even if I'm feeling kind of cold and isolated. That's....about to be expected in times like this. But oof. The reality checking I have to do is exhausting in of itself. Hopefully things will look brighter soon.
Current Mood: weighed down by crushing feelings of ennui and mediocrity
@sfeertheorist Hugs. <3 you definitely aren't alone there. as a fellow introvert, starting to get wiggy myself so it is totally normal and even expected to feel like that.
@kradeelav hugs back to you! Yeah, it's probably just The Time but oof, what a time it is.
@sfeertheorist I'm alone and practically sequestered away 80% of the time and even I'm surprised at how much the quarantine has gotten to me.
In terms of your work, I'd just like to say that, for a long time now I've struggled with reading fiction but I've never had that with your work and it always engages and delights me!
@OratorKayla Ah, thank you. It helps a lot to hear that!! and I feel ya. I'm as introverted as introverts get and I'm still going in circles.
@sfeertheorist Uh my last two dayjobs have been nighmare in terms of treating ppl/what they did to ppl's head and I am still a mess so... I get you.
But I love LOVE LOVE your writing even if haven't been to vocal recently (too broke to catch up on everything but it's on my priority list Once I Have money/Reliable Income Again).
*sending warm hugs*
@sfeertheorist Muun I'm sorry to hear things have been rough ;; Your writing has been a light in my life the longer we go into quarantine, and LF's stories about survival and overcoming hardships have been a boon.
I've started rereading Minotaur again to remind myself that change will always come, and that fascist regimes all eventually fail under the weight of their own lies. I'm wishing you the best, and I hope we can get through this ok in the end
@dreamcreek Thank you. It is very cheering to hear that. I hope you are taking care of yourself as well. It's definitely not easy for anyone rn.
@sfeertheorist Thank you too ;; I've been trying to stay off social media as much as possible and turned to voraciously reading stories that make me happy and give me hope. We're living in such a crazy limbo state rn o<-<
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