Der-shing Helmer @shingworks@mastodon.social

I could literally go to In-n-out right now, order a burger, then put the avocado inside of that burger. And there isn't a damn thing anyone could do about it

I have a ripe avocado in my possession... The possibilities are endless

I'm also growing one of these things, delightfully named the Moon and Stars watermelon. No melons yet, but the plant is healthy and the leaves are green with speckles too, it's very cute.

I REALLY want an damn melon but idk when it's going to flower and apparently these are big targets for rodents (we have squirrels and rats up the wazoo around here) so we'll see~

I'm growing 2 kinds of tomatoes this year, cherry tomatoes (aka roundboys) and some kind of roma tomato thing (aka longboys).

The first longboy finally ripened 100% today after 2 months of me watching it/ screaming internally that a squirrel is going to eat it. Fiance returns from a trip tomorrow so in my hubris I'm leaving it on the vine for one more night and hope it will still be there in the morning. Will report back with this breaking story tomorrow.

the joke is i'm a melting tomato and my ideas need to be thinned out in order for any of them to survive

portrait of me and my good ideas

"fattygew" - my brain, every time I look at the word "fatigue"

maybe its because i've been coloring the most mindnumbing things all day but this is blowing my mind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjAWsY9padQ

I'm so mad... this show I'm watching gave the balding dude a hairpiece??????? why??? is this how video game assholes feel when they see a woman in a historical game?? because I too am being extremely attacked

Boy howdy I sure do love paying thousands in estimated taxes to a government that effectively incarcerates children

confession: for a long time I thought the acronym BAMF was the same word as the Nightcrawler's sfx

Thankfully the other dream was just more in the realm of bizzare/ absurd and didn't involve a human waterfall of any sort so I'll stick to scripting that one

end/ So there he goes whizzing up the wall, and up on the 10th floor is rival prank group holding one of their members who had been given some kind of laxative that tinted everything white, and honestly now that I'm typing it out I'm repulsed by it but?? idk watching one group of young men use another man as a human super-soaker was a memorable visual to say the least

2/ Of course, the rival prank group on campus had been aware of the performance and challenged the flying man to fly over an area of their choice, ideally to expose the trick. Specifically they challenged him to fly up the 10 story wall of the dorm building so that students could watch from their own windows and judge it for themselves. Flying prank group accepted the challenge

1/ This weird guy at the college, skinny but with a massive scraggly brown beard that made him look either a genius or homeless. On this day he had apparently "taught himself to fly," though it was almost certainly a trick coordinated with his friends who were also a bunch of pranksters. Nevertheless there he was one cloudy morning doing loop-de-loops over the students making their way to 8am classes while his friends recorded

Also a great visual focus? After weeks and weeks of nightmares (technically this is still a nightmare, but less so). Also another part of the dream which I'll put under a cut because it was also very striking but kinda gross

I had a dream last night that was a complete self-contained horror-comedy story with a great main character, beginning/ middle/ end, so now I'm wasting my morning writing that out in script form...

The most alarming thing someone can say to you is "I don't mean to alarm you, but"

Nobody has ever said that to me without some kind of large spider being involved

RIP Cavs

I love summer cuz the warm weather makes clothes less necessary... unfortunately the neighbors have cut their lemon tree back lately, making the situation more dangerous than ever before