I forgot to do an #introduction post, did I? I'm Shizu, she/her, gamer, otaku and a Twitch affiliate streamer. I do a bit of graphics, a bit of art, a bit of writing... basically a Jane of many tricks, master of none.
Here I want to do the things that I kept myself from doing on Twitter, and sharing my thoughts is one of that.
The third #lunaugust prompt: Full Moon.
Made of stardust, wishes and dreams.
I've been waiting to do something with the pencil sketch I did last month and this felt like the right time!
The sketch that i did back in July was done following a tutorial which I found really helpful! For anyone who might want to have ago here it is: https://design.tutsplus.com/tutorials/how-to-draw-a-deer-step-by-step--cms-30023
The stroke of midnight marked the beginning of my birthday.
I heard a knock at my door and rolled my eyes. The same time last year my friends had surprised me by bringing the party to me.
"Seriously, the same surprise twice?" I asked as I swung the door open.
There was only a scantily clad incubus at my doorstep. His abs shimmered as he stepped forward.
"I have been summoned to grant you your greatest earthly desires."
hello all! i'm currently taking emoji commissions, please check out my twitter for more information: https://twitter.com/spicymiatball/status/1162869112139182080
I fucked up and flattened a directory of mp3 files in my impatience and was sorting through them manually (playing them when needed). When I played Linkin Park's Lost in the Echo, all the emotions that slithered back into a dark little corner surged back out and I can't stop crying.
I will be okay. Their songs have always been able to help my mind process things and help me heal.
Bad timing probably played a big part. I was recovering from wisdom teeth extraction surgery, and then a cough that disrupted things for weeks. During these weeks I didn't have counselling appointments, meet a friend for weekly dinner, chill with my sisters.... I felt so lonely and angry with the sickness and myself for not being stronger, healthier. And stressed from not working as much as I want to.
Then the stress builds and builds and builds. Nobody is giving me pressure, only myself, and yet I managed to give myself crippling amount of stress.
Months of trying to manage my energy, my stress levels, and the one time I try to push myself a little further, try to do an art thing that I never had the guts to do, plan a special stream for in a months' time, I overload myself.
I just feel so tired, constantly fighting with my own mind, feeling like a failure because this one big thing I put priority and importance on, I can't get myself to do it. Maybe I'm not taking the right starting steps. I did a bunch of other tasks I wanted to do previously, which probably aren't as important and instead of feeling accomplishments for finally doing them, the feeling of guilt mounts instead. Because of the one big thing.
So... I end up battling my brain again. Yay. I think part of it is, I haven't eaten and I can feel the hunger, hear my stomach growling, but i have no desire to go and eat. The logical part of the brain says I should eat, it'll probably help the situation. The rest of the brain says "nahhhh I'm gonna sit here and get more and more miserable".
You know what, the rest of the brain can go and eat the wall. I'm going to get food.
Gamer, FFXIV player (JPN Hades), bookworm, otaku, Twitch streamer, sometimes cosplayer, newbie props crafter. Jane of many tricks.
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