Pinned toot

I forgot to do an post, did I? I'm Shizu, she/her, gamer, otaku and a Twitch affiliate streamer. I do a bit of graphics, a bit of art, a bit of writing... basically a Jane of many tricks, master of none.

Here I want to do the things that I kept myself from doing on Twitter, and sharing my thoughts is one of that.

:blobcat: Twitch - twitch.tv/shizuyue
:bongoCat: Twitter - twitter.com/shizuyue

It's 4 am. I couldn't sleep earlier because those thoughts mentioned in the Toot threaded above swirled up again. I wrote them down and even read a bit of research material. Hope I'll be able to sleep now.

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I keep having this whole essay worth of thoughts about how stream viewers compare with TV audiences, radio listeners, chatroom goers and online communities, and from there, how to figure out what kind of audience a streamer should aim for.

This is taking up too much brainspace, help.

My self-confidence has been quite low for quite a while now. It's caused by a number of things.

It feels to me like my twitch stream and community growth is stagnating. Even though many of my decisions were deliberately made after considering my needs, I cannot help but doubt and wonder if I have chosen to cripple my channel. I feel like I'm not interesting, that I offer very little of value.

But still, I have not been able to do all I want with it yet, so there's space to grow. Yes.

With the relaxing of some COVID-19 measures in my country, I can go and get one, but my hairdresser is approx an hour of public transport away and I would prefer to wait until there are even lesser community cases, and I can also take the opportunity to visit family after. I haven't seen them since February and I miss them a lot.

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I know I'm not alone in this but I can't wait to get my haircut.

My main issue is the heat being trapped by the hair on the back of my neck. My hair length is the not quite shoulder length that can't all be tied into a ponytail and even if I can, I won't because in recent years I find that I get headaches if I tie my hair up for long. I just want my short hair back.

Today's mood is not good... feeling sharp and vicious. I hope I don't make decisions I'll regret later.

I need to remember the nice relaxed feeling I get after my first time playing Ringfit Adventures and do more of it.

Why does this sound familiar though?

It's one of those days where I feel like a disappointment and useless. I can't control myself to do things.

I know it's just my energy level is low, and body being uncomfortable saps my energy further. And probably a stress reaction to the latest COVID-19 measures introduced by the government.

But I still feel like crap.

Maybe tomorrow will be better, but I doubt it. There's work I need to do because deadlines and I'm soon gonna be incapacitated for a few days due to period. Sigh.

My twitter feed is full of Animal Crossing: New Horizon stuff and it's such an adorable game. I'm so envious and yet, I'm so afraid that I'll get addicted to this game if I even try it.

General anxiety about COVID-19 

Maybe it's just being tired and not getting enough sleep last night making me feel out of sorts.

Maybe it's the possibility of not getting work from where I freelance with. But I'm making plans, just gotta firm them up and got with it.

I'll probably be fine after the night's rest. This is probably just anxiety of being mildly affected and helpless in the face of what feels like a long-term disaster.

I'll be fine. I just wish the world could be soon.

(4/4)

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General anxiety about COVID-19 

I just hope I can stay calm and don't let the stress get to me. I don't do very well under stress, physically and mentally.

And thinking of exercising a little more regularly, because I am not exactly physically fit (no weight problems, just sedentary lifestyle). It's said that exercising helps with stress too, right?

Probably shouldn't read too many details of the news... though headlines are depressing enough.

And find something to distract me bigtime.

(3/4)

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General anxiety about COVID-19 

All in all, I'm probably luckier than most and life is more or less normal for me, if you cut out all the fear.

But it isn't so for so many people... and I feel like my heart drowns a little when I see the more depressing news.

And this will continue for a long while, and get worse. And it already feels like a ball of stress is stuck in my chest, and I'm not even very affected.

(2/?)

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General anxiety about COVID-19 

Lately I've been feeling steadily increasing but not exactly huge amount of anxiety. Especially when and after I read/watch the news globally about COVID-19.

I myself am safe, my lifestyle isn't affected much, though my family members are affected a little.

The situation in the country seems still be under control by the government, even though there are increasing cases and more restrictions.

(1/?)

Holy heck, 'ID: Invaded' is such a good show, easily one of my favorite animes even before it is completed.

False Knees comics are all super awesome and this is one of my favorite.
instagram.com/p/B8jtJi1p22b/

Months after this hoot, I heard one of the OST that reminded me of something and nearly started crying again. I think I'm unlikely to be able to stream Nier Automata in 2020 either...

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I managed to put that one more obstacle able to stop me from instinctively scrolling FB and Twitter, and now am going through a small case of social media cold turkey again. Sigh, need something to distract me from these twitchy instincts.

All it takes is me being tired, possibly hangry with little appetite, and a grocery trip where there's a shrieking child in hearing distance, and my mood goes way south.

Novel coronavirus is pretty scary, but the fear reactions of my fellow citizens is scarier.

At the risk of sounding like an advertising bot, tabliss.io shows me this gorgeous creature this morning <3

unsplash.com/photos/AHwT-VQQyC

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