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on mastodon we are only going to do wholesome dunks

-bofa these arms around you in a hug, friend
-aldis cookies I baked for you
-wendys dog photos are sent

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left twitter? more like 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳

two step verification but it literally calls 911 everytime you try to log on

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one fortnite win is exactly equal to one tour in iraq

computer: save file as
me: asdasdasdasdadas
computer: what
me: aasdadsadasddsa
computer: okay

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her: hey
me: open chest
her: what
me: open chest
her: this isnt how you have a conversation
me: inventory

i was thinking "is hashtag white dudes trending" but then i realized is it even possible for things to trend on here

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Wow this is so sad... chest_bot open chest

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electoral politics won’t save us. don’t vote for MVP.

getting kicked out of my polling place for doing the epic fortnite dance

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today Im voting No on Horny, and I hope you all are too!!

thanks susan for posting "vote" on your Instagram story that's going to destroy the vote suppression that was intentionally put into place in this country

if i was offered to join the us military i would simple not

you ever just live to flex on ronald reagan

al qaeda? more like pal qaed- im sorry im sorry im trying to remove it

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me: posts the most mundane sentence ever posted
me: huh why didnt that get any faves

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