Pool season fuckin owns though, I can drink beers outside with my neighbors at like 1 PM without having to pretend to care about football

@stunt_bird VERBATIM:
HIM: hey, me and my friends are gonna play frisbee, you guys want in?
HER: no... no we don’t want to do that.
HIM. Oh... ok. (yelling, to his friends) THEY DONT WANT TO, GUYS. YEAH THEY DONT WANT TO.

I watched a Nerdy Teen get brutally shot down by a Hot Girl at the community pool today and if I ever complain about being old again you are allowed to kill me

Took an ambien to prevent myself from even thinking about staying up for GoT which also means I’m going to visit a more interesting fantasy world than anyone watching GoT

Considering taking improv classes but really really weighing my “this would be fun” feelings against my “I would hate every single person there” feelings

RIP Grumpy Cat, he finally couldn’t take it anymore. Everyone check on your friends today, sometimes the people who are constantly frowning are the ones who are actually struggling the most.

@stunt_bird AND I accidentally left my VPN off while downloading it so I’ll probably be getting a letter from my ISP over that garbage

LOL I caught up GOT again wow what a dumb show

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Alcohol Show more

WHAT IS UP boosted

all of the sharks on shark tank want in on my idea, it’s a men’s room but without every surface being covered in piss

*pointing to my Classical Greek theater for the MTV Cribs crew* this is where the tragic happens

My kids are watching a children’s nature show and I was like “this narrator sounds familiar” and turns out it’s the dude from Clipping

WHAT IS UP boosted

white man acoustic covers of rap songs must be destroyed

@stunt_bird lol damn why is this shit so much more powerful sometimes

@stunt_bird ok I promise I won’t play anymore bullshit, ok? Thanks.


ME: hand me that aux chord
YOU: no you’re on ambien again and having a strange experience

Folks I’ve caught up on Game Of Thrones and man that show was categorically a waste of millions of people’s time

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