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Rob R @theamericanjerk@mastodon.social

Last season's Marvel Agents of SHIELD is surprisingly good.

My Uber driver was playing an Ed Sheeran song and now I have diabetes.

The Orville is the Star Trek version of Brian Michael Bendis's mid-2000's New Avengers.

That means it's good. Better than you probably think.

Don't at me.

Or whatever the Mastodon version of "at"ing is.

Rob R boosted

"I had a dream I walked in on Tom Hanks masturbating"
"Ew"
"Yeah, it was upsetting"
"I mean he probably did a lot of that when he was stuck on that island in Cast Away"
"Oh my god, did he fuck that volleyball?"
"Absolutely"

Thinking about buying a can of caviar but they spell caviar with a K because it's a 7-Eleven and can someone dial 9 and 1 and keep their finger by the 1

I have been in a retail environment, exposed to its constant stream of Christmas music, for fifteen minutes and I am prepared to lay hands on someone.

The hell of being a lead engineer is, if you want to actually have time to code, you'd better block off half of Saturday.

Not the beer half, of course. Priorities, dammit.

@theamericanjerk THIS IS A SAUSAGE MILKSHAKE WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW PH'NGLUI MGLW'NAFH CTHULHU R'LYEH WGAH'NAGL FRAPPE FHTAGN

The new Iron Chef leads me to believe that modern chefs have never read Frankenstein.

I swear I heard the parmesan ice cream say, "We belong dead."

Back at the office after a week. It's been 5 hours, and I feel like I've been beaten about the head, neck and brain stem.

From Donald Westlake to Don Winslow. I'm sensing a recurring theme here.

Gentlemen: to crime!

@theamericanjerk Jesus. Dick Durock and his porn name deserved better.

Watching Wes Craven's Swamp Thing, remembering just how hard it sometimes was to be a comics fan in the 80s.

The good news is, this is making me appreciate Alan Moore even more.

Rob R boosted

*someone sends me something*
Them: Can you sign this for me and send it back please?
*signs with pgp key, emails it back*
Them: I meant with a pen you nerd motherfucker

Picked up Donald Westlake's Somebody Owes Me Money from Hard Case Crime on a whim. God DAMN, could that guy write a crime story. Pulled me right in.

Watching Andrew Zimmern on Travel Channel and can't stop seeing a big, bald sixth grader saying, "For ten bucks, I'll eat a bug."

The federated timeline is the stroke-related aphasia simulator no one was waiting for.

Anyone who uses turkey giblets in gravy or stuffing or other edible should be tried as a war criminal.

Rob R boosted

The Mighty Thor 380 by Walt Simonson.

Holy. Shit.