housemate just burst into my room

him: JAMES!!
me: ..yeah?
him: its not funny
me: excuse me
him: james im not KIDDING
me: ...?

he looks very worried. he hands me this torn piece of a card

him: please tell me you did it
me: ...
him: i just opened the cutlery drawer and this was on top
me: i got a spoon out the drawer ten minutes ago and there was nothing..?
him: SO DID I

it's 10 o'clock at night. nobody else is in the flat. the door is locked. the windows are closed. we are fuckin TERRIFIED

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@envgen my guess is, esp. given the stains, it was stuck to the bottom of the drawer above or the cabinet inside and just happened to finally come loose?

@theoutrider weve been here six months and there wasnt a family living here before us so it would have been there a minimum of 18 months. why is it torn in half? if the text is on the 'wrong' side, then what was on the other side? poo chunk

@theoutrider does he mean 'love from your poo chunk' in which case, a lot of questions. how do you get a nickname like that from your partner. what is their relationship like. lots to read into that. or, perhaps more harrowingly, does he mean 'i love your poo chunk', in which case,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

@envgen @theoutrider I think you can come to the same conclusion with both of those... Except for who is the bottom (lol bum joke)

@envgen @theoutrider okay also I'm like... 90% sure this must have been like...stuck to the top of the drawer on the inside of the cutlery drawer somehow, or wedged in at the back, and it's worked itself loose over time, until it just... plopped into teh draw just now I guess??

@envgen @theoutrider I mean this is just the most logical non-supernatural answer. but it's the only one I can think of

but what's weirding me out the most is the use of "your" instead of "you're". hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

@Nine @envgen @theoutrider I had to fav this just out of appreciation for the phrasing "plopped into the drawer" XD

@envgen @theoutrider I can answer some of that! My guess is it's a card from one of those online card places. They do "cards" that are notebooks or a box containing chocolate or a pair of socks. The message is printed on the inside of the front of the card instead of in the usual place because that's the only free space.

So that explains the weird printing and the torn edge.

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