housemate just burst into my room

him: JAMES!!
me: ..yeah?
him: its not funny
me: excuse me
him: james im not KIDDING
me: ...?

he looks very worried. he hands me this torn piece of a card

him: please tell me you did it
me: ...
him: i just opened the cutlery drawer and this was on top
me: i got a spoon out the drawer ten minutes ago and there was nothing..?
him: SO DID I

it's 10 o'clock at night. nobody else is in the flat. the door is locked. the windows are closed. we are fuckin TERRIFIED

@envgen my guess is, esp. given the stains, it was stuck to the bottom of the drawer above or the cabinet inside and just happened to finally come loose?

@theoutrider weve been here six months and there wasnt a family living here before us so it would have been there a minimum of 18 months. why is it torn in half? if the text is on the 'wrong' side, then what was on the other side? poo chunk

@theoutrider does he mean 'love from your poo chunk' in which case, a lot of questions. how do you get a nickname like that from your partner. what is their relationship like. lots to read into that. or, perhaps more harrowingly, does he mean 'i love your poo chunk', in which case,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

@envgen @theoutrider I think you can come to the same conclusion with both of those... Except for who is the bottom (lol bum joke)

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