I had to end my relationship with my boyfriend and main reason for it is that I had to locate my life and my very 'academic' existence to a 'foreign' country. It kinda made me feel sad to be honest but I believe that my academic ambitions should not be blocked by any kind of affective impressions. I had to work even for getting admission for masters. Because of that I had to say farewell to him.

When you experience the very substratum of the illiberal democracy at your own homeland, it drives your mind to the realms of anxiety or even insanity to a certain extent. The regime of right wing infused neo-liberalism influenced everywhere yet at the same time some countries influenced from despotism of neo liberalism more. That is why I HAVE to study in UK.

As a foreigner, both to my homeland and UK, I should say that I feel really anxious right now. I would definitely miss my siblings, friends. However, I should also not forget that each time I experience despotism of populist regime in my country, which I am also alien to, I feel really suicidal, sad and really broken.

I ask myself sometimes, should I kill myself if I cannot reach to my dreams? I really want to become a professor of politics at a foreign country. Or I am just delaying my existential crisis? No I am not writing those words for sake of getting attention points or something like that.

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Should I cry?
I really don't know.
Should I end my life?
I really don't know.
Should I change my assigned gender?
YES!

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I do sometimes need to talk somebody. Anybody... I sometimes rant in a really pathetic manner. Yet I also want to ask question. How can I overcome my sadness feel of angst? Any recs?

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