Anyway despite being ill it's been fucking great working from home, I wish I could do it more often. Without having to feel nervous about how I'm being perceived by my boss I feel a lot more confident and relaxed

like I objectively know the situation is stupid and I shouldn't care and that if anyone is mad at me it's dumb and unfounded, but the fucking gerbil that's running the panic centre of my brain won't be stopped by such trivial things as facts, apparently. Love that.

Self discipline is doing it slowly and lessening the impulses and severity of the panic, but I truly yearn for a day where I'm just Not Like This anymore

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been watching some videos from licensed childhood trauma therapists on codependency and the need for everything to be ok in order to feel safe/calm etc and feeling very called out hahaha

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bleggghh I've gotten a real bad cold, was sent home from the office to work from home because I was a mess lol. Keep taking LF tests but they're negative so that's some good news at least

Super nervous my boss is mad at me for it or something even tho it was her idea for me to work from home, and my coworker is being really passag so I'm really stressed lol

I keep getting colds and I'm so tired of it lmao, esp since they seem to always hit during my weekends haha. freshers season after lockdown sure is bad

Every day when we get out of bed our cat climbs in and sleeps under the covers for a few hours and it's the fucking cutest thing ;_;

Withdrawals are fucking bad today, been awake an hour tops and struggling not to lash out at every tiny thing ugh

wasn't able to get my medication refilled before the weekend (again) so I'm having bad withdrawals ugghhhhh work tomorrow is going to be fun

Blasting Mika in my earphones at work since my boss is out and I'm gonna blow a gasket getting annoyed at stupid internet shit otherwise

Fuck my life, seeing China's crackdown on LGBT rights and representation is absolutely awful but seeing people pee their pants because the biggest impact to them is they might lose their genshin impact bishounen jpegs is so angering

Most of them aren't even young there's just no excuse for being so shallow I hate the internet lol

admittedly my coworker is a lot younger than me and her issues lately have been a lot more...immediate than mine I guess, but bahhhh

one day i swear to god i'm gonna be my own boss and not take anyone's shit anymore, manifesting this for my future self big time 💪

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having my boss at work be really dismissive of mental health struggles is starting to frustrate me a bit lol, I see her offhandedly talking about trying not to roll her eyes at people who say they have social anxiety etc and I'm a bit :welp:

she knows I struggle with mental health as well (I was pretty clear from the start) so it's just a bit....galling, esp when she shows so much sympathy and care to my coworker when she's struggling

oh god i finally managed to get mastodon back up on my computer, found my recovery codes thank FUCK

The older I get the more I appreciate cows. They're just so chill.

I remember as a teen when I was spending the summer on my aunt's horse farm in france there was a cow with her baby in a nearby field and she let us pet her and the calf and lie down next to them and everything. Tbh I've not known bliss like that since

Well fuck this. Lesson learned i guess. Feel like a fucking idiot for waiting so long and so angry with myself but whatever. It's a teaching moment if nothing else

I want to be generous/understanding but if it turns out I've been waiting all this time for nothing and I could have been at home by now I'm gonna be so angry I'm not gonna lie

Giving it another half hour and then I'm just gonna leave

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Lmfaoo I never fucking learn do I. Offered to go with a former work friend to the emergency room BC she needs someone to go with qnd I've been sat around in town since I got out of work for two hours while she's getting ready, don't even know if she's taking the piss or not but I'm getting really fucked off

Chugging hot chocolate in work today to try and stay alive, this cold is disgustinggggggg

Had an amazing pasta takeout dish full of mushrooms cheese and basil, absolutely what I needed for this shit weekend/cold

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