HMMMMMM I'm getting very tired of ex friends calling me a shitty friend suddenly after the fact lol

I recognise that I've developed quite a direct personality which can come off blunt at times. Which tbh grew out of the fact that I was taught to be so self effacing and passive aggressive about my wants and needs growing up and never being able to say them out loud. Once I moved in with my gf and realised I actually COULD just say what I needed it was a lightbulb moment to be honest

And the more I got used to actually just communicating my needs the more I realised that it was just so much simpler and I've really swung around to being quite direct, at least with close friends, and at least my humour can be quite abrasive.

Which like, I own that? I've never not. All my friends know it's just hot air bluff because I'm actually v sensitive and it's nice to be able to just act on the surface like nothing bothers me sometimes lol

But I've also always ALWAYS made it extremely clear to everyone that I'm never above being told if I've caused hurt or offense or being asked to tone it down or whatever if it gets a bit much at times. I work really hard to make it clear that if anyone is bothered by me they can just tell me and I'll pivot on the spot and apologise for any hurt caused.

So then when it always ends this way I'm just. So frustrated

I don't think my outward personality is everyone's cup of tea and that's fine but to "put up" with it for months and say it's fine even when asked and then suddenly turn around and act like I'm rude and unfeeling once /I/ get pissed off enough to set a boundary is so fucking annoying


Despite being a sort of hot air loudmouth I also always put everything down to help people out and I'm not asking for praise for that but I sure do end up feeling like the designated caretaker there to wipe everyone's asses and then when I happen to have a problem then I was the problem all along, actually

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