been watching some videos from licensed childhood trauma therapists on codependency and the need for everything to be ok in order to feel safe/calm etc and feeling very called out hahaha
like I objectively know the situation is stupid and I shouldn't care and that if anyone is mad at me it's dumb and unfounded, but the fucking gerbil that's running the panic centre of my brain won't be stopped by such trivial things as facts, apparently. Love that.
Self discipline is doing it slowly and lessening the impulses and severity of the panic, but I truly yearn for a day where I'm just Not Like This anymore
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