bleggghh I've gotten a real bad cold, was sent home from the office to work from home because I was a mess lol. Keep taking LF tests but they're negative so that's some good news at least

Super nervous my boss is mad at me for it or something even tho it was her idea for me to work from home, and my coworker is being really passag so I'm really stressed lol


been watching some videos from licensed childhood trauma therapists on codependency and the need for everything to be ok in order to feel safe/calm etc and feeling very called out hahaha

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like I objectively know the situation is stupid and I shouldn't care and that if anyone is mad at me it's dumb and unfounded, but the fucking gerbil that's running the panic centre of my brain won't be stopped by such trivial things as facts, apparently. Love that.

Self discipline is doing it slowly and lessening the impulses and severity of the panic, but I truly yearn for a day where I'm just Not Like This anymore

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