But I've also always ALWAYS made it extremely clear to everyone that I'm never above being told if I've caused hurt or offense or being asked to tone it down or whatever if it gets a bit much at times. I work really hard to make it clear that if anyone is bothered by me they can just tell me and I'll pivot on the spot and apologise for any hurt caused.
So then when it always ends this way I'm just. So frustrated
And the more I got used to actually just communicating my needs the more I realised that it was just so much simpler and I've really swung around to being quite direct, at least with close friends, and at least my humour can be quite abrasive.
Which like, I own that? I've never not. All my friends know it's just hot air bluff because I'm actually v sensitive and it's nice to be able to just act on the surface like nothing bothers me sometimes lol
I recognise that I've developed quite a direct personality which can come off blunt at times. Which tbh grew out of the fact that I was taught to be so self effacing and passive aggressive about my wants and needs growing up and never being able to say them out loud. Once I moved in with my gf and realised I actually COULD just say what I needed it was a lightbulb moment to be honest
@jfml ahaha oof, I definitely feel that in other respects but it usually relates to cleaning and household chores LMAO maybe I need to channel it into art! 😭😂
@jfml ooogh ouch that must be tough! That's true tho, a lot of the time it's probably a lot about pushing through, I need to learn to have some tenacity as I mostly just kinda give up usually aha!!
Also not going to lie it was mildly entertaining having a guy throw his arm around me and try to set me up with his friend and watch his confusion when I said I was gay HAHAHHAA it took him a whole ass minute for him to process it with me just standing there with his arm around my neck like 😐
Anyway today is hangover day so I'm gonna eat a lot of food and watch TV and draw and nobody can stop me 💪💪💪💪
Got pressured into going out with some 19 year olds from work again lol, they really wanted me to come out but then I spent the whole night feeling like a third wheel so ??????
Trying to just take it as a learning experience and I'm not really surprised at it going the way it did due to the difference in our ages but man
Having a fucking terrible week and struggling to cope
The kicker really is when doctors don't take you seriously and have already made their decision on what to do halfway through your explaining the problem to them. Cannot fucking stand not being listened to especially when it concerns my own god damn health
Had a kind of turning point mentally re: art where I realized that art is meant to be enjoyed and I need to get back to that, it made me feel so excited and pumped to get back to art and have fun with it. But putting it into practice isnt really working?? Every time I try still it's just....not fun lmao. So frustrated
Rose • 29 • illustration graduate in Plymouth, UK! Hello!
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