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Despite being a sort of hot air loudmouth I also always put everything down to help people out and I'm not asking for praise for that but I sure do end up feeling like the designated caretaker there to wipe everyone's asses and then when I happen to have a problem then I was the problem all along, actually

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I don't think my outward personality is everyone's cup of tea and that's fine but to "put up" with it for months and say it's fine even when asked and then suddenly turn around and act like I'm rude and unfeeling once /I/ get pissed off enough to set a boundary is so fucking annoying

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But I've also always ALWAYS made it extremely clear to everyone that I'm never above being told if I've caused hurt or offense or being asked to tone it down or whatever if it gets a bit much at times. I work really hard to make it clear that if anyone is bothered by me they can just tell me and I'll pivot on the spot and apologise for any hurt caused.

So then when it always ends this way I'm just. So frustrated

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And the more I got used to actually just communicating my needs the more I realised that it was just so much simpler and I've really swung around to being quite direct, at least with close friends, and at least my humour can be quite abrasive.

Which like, I own that? I've never not. All my friends know it's just hot air bluff because I'm actually v sensitive and it's nice to be able to just act on the surface like nothing bothers me sometimes lol

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I recognise that I've developed quite a direct personality which can come off blunt at times. Which tbh grew out of the fact that I was taught to be so self effacing and passive aggressive about my wants and needs growing up and never being able to say them out loud. Once I moved in with my gf and realised I actually COULD just say what I needed it was a lightbulb moment to be honest

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HMMMMMM I'm getting very tired of ex friends calling me a shitty friend suddenly after the fact lol

Why do colds always give me stomach problems too gahhhh

It's a particularly bad cold as well so I'm already pretty miffed about spending my weekend feeling rubbish without needing extra problems WEEP

Gonna go swimming tomorrowwwwwwww I'm so excited

Also not going to lie it was mildly entertaining having a guy throw his arm around me and try to set me up with his friend and watch his confusion when I said I was gay HAHAHHAA it took him a whole ass minute for him to process it with me just standing there with his arm around my neck like 😐

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Anyway today is hangover day so I'm gonna eat a lot of food and watch TV and draw and nobody can stop me 💪💪💪💪

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Got pressured into going out with some 19 year olds from work again lol, they really wanted me to come out but then I spent the whole night feeling like a third wheel so ??????

Trying to just take it as a learning experience and I'm not really surprised at it going the way it did due to the difference in our ages but man

Finally watched the Sarah Z video on shipping wars and uh

Good lord

You know when you know something is awful but seeing actual examples is still fucking horrifying

Ooooggh second covid jab is really having an effect, I'm sat at work trying not to just put my head down on the table 😭

Having a fucking terrible week and struggling to cope

The kicker really is when doctors don't take you seriously and have already made their decision on what to do halfway through your explaining the problem to them. Cannot fucking stand not being listened to especially when it concerns my own god damn health

Tw violence, shooting, death 

Just had a gunman kill people only 3-5 streets away from where I live. I'm not one of the directly affected but fucking stressed and horrified anyway

Stuff like this never happens here, what the hell

Logging in just to say I fucking love contrapoints lmao bye

I had to stay up really late but I also got this picture of my cat so I feel like I'm winning tbh

God I love it when artists draw ff7 Cloud looking really unwell and exhausted instead of this super pretty bishounen guy...chef kiss

Had a kind of turning point mentally re: art where I realized that art is meant to be enjoyed and I need to get back to that, it made me feel so excited and pumped to get back to art and have fun with it. But putting it into practice isnt really working?? Every time I try still it's just....not fun lmao. So frustrated

like of all the things to get mad about it's the scenario that's literally impossible IRL, what a waste of time and effort

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