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*extremely sopranos voice* ey ya friggin gabagool, get ovah here an help me take dis friggin rib out so i can suck my own friggin dick

CW: sex 

i wanna get dicked down by a hot dude with an Irish accent

You kids have easy. Now kid use phone to record racist. When Thag was kid, Thag try to carve cave painting of Gork be racist but was eat by dinosaur before finish.

i still think a lot about nathan robinson's article in current affairs about how full of complete jibberish jordan peterson is

i turned myself into somebody who would've won the 2016 presidential election, morty!! i'm pickle bernie!!!

Homosexuality decriminalized in India!

πŸ™ŒπŸΌ πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆ πŸ™ŒπŸΌ 🌈 πŸ™ŒπŸΌ

a sad day, as we acknowledge the passing of Bird Reynolds, the bird who wore a silly cowboy hat *learns it was actually burt reynolds* well who gives a shit, then

the hardest part of being an open-carry advocate is having to go home on your lunch break when u forget ur gun

we discovered sperm fifteen minutes after we invented the microscope

every horse that has ever died is pulling chariots in heaven. except secretariat, who kicked ass so hard that a bunch of idiots pull him around in a chariot

everybody on rick and morty is a libertarian, except for summer, who is a communist

i turned myself into a stalinist, morty! i'm stalinist riiiiick!!!

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