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Vague Rant @vaguerant@mastodon.social

Pinned toot

There is more sugar in one single can of Coke than in an entire 25 lb bag of salt.

i don't know, i've tried bending over backwards to please people but they all just keep telling me to get back to work and stop limboing

a granny smith designs and shapes grannies

*rubbing molluscs all over myself*

i know it's supposed to be good for my skin but boy this oysterizing feels gross

if you ever wake up at a funeral home with a mortician working on you, try to remember to say "thanks embalmer"

lewd Show more

introducing the inventor of the dark internet, mr. al vore

flattery (flat battery) will get you nowhere

Things I'm definitely not still thinking about a year on: the time the developer of the 3DS Minecraft port promised stereoscopic display would be added "super soon".

me every time i'm trying to force a toot idea:

"sonic the ... sonic the ... sonic the something, come on ..."

uspol, mormon joke Show more

i don't even remember them playing pokemon in spice world

"Did you know that menopausal women may need up to 30% more calcium every day?"

cumulatively? that's going to get out of hand very fast

sign my change.org petition affirming that the deep state exists and it's delaware (averaging just 60 ft above sea level)

hell is discovering the answer to a question toot from several months ago

smilf is short for "story of my life"

ms-13, already? my last computer only came with 8

jim'll fix it is short for jimmy kimmel fix it

personally i'm short-sighted, but the worst vision disorder is the big short-sightedness, where the only thing you can focus on is the 2015 film the big short