There are so many stresses in this world that are just layered on us. They aren't really apart of us. They are manufactured by something else in society. They keep us from what really matters.

So I walk barefoot more. Looking out for rocks.
Remembering that I'm alive.

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So I go off on a trail in the mountains and step on the gas. I'm not out of the woods yet, mentally that is. Not till I hit a bump, or the truck reacts in a way I'm not prepared for. Than you feel the adrenaline. All my thoughts are replaced with my heart thumping in my ears. Stepping on a sharp rock does that too. Its also cheaper and less dangerous.

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So why Apex?
Its not really just Apex, it could be anything. Going 4wheeling or as simple as taking a walk without shoes helps me. Maybe its pain, and or the fear of it.
No you don't die in Apex, but you only have one life. 4wheeling makes my legs shake. I'm actually scared of t. I would rather drive a car really fast, but tickets are a bitch.

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I don't know why this is. When emotional issues come up I'm either crashed by them or in the zone.
I was crashed when two of my friends died back to back. I was crashed when I was betrayed, by a close friend. These are things out of my power. Things that even now have the potential to rip me apart mentally if I allow them to take over.

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When I get emotional (on the daily), I don't want a hug. I want to play Apex.

When I'm happy, I want a hug, and I also want to play apex.

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