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hi! you've probably known me as nonbinary for a long time now, but the truth is, it was a temporary label until i could find something more specific. after a lot of fumbling around in the dark, i think i finally have my answer:

i'm genderfluid 💗🤍💜🖤💙
willware.xyz/post/633994706868

tonight's one of those "dream about things without actually doing things" nights… interfacing with reality is so haarrrdddd

oh yeah i have the whole week off next week! plus my long desk comes in!! *bounces around excitedly*

-DREAMS-
• yes, i still want to learn guitar or something
• yes, i still want to practice art
• yes, i have tons of dreams
• yes, having to be an adult and have a job makes me a lot slower at achieving my dreams, but i have the rest of my life to get to them all

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-DYSPHORIA-
• yes a shooting star pin would look cute on me ☄️
• yes a skirt would probably look cute on me even if i'm not willing to admit it yet
• no, hyperfixating on girl stuff does not make me less genderfluid – i'm just making up for lost time in one aspect of it

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fighting back against today's thought spirals:

-DYSFUNCTION-
• i went to the store despite everything
• i figured out something for dinner despite everything
• i did my laundry which is the one thing i'm consistent at despite my adhd (and i'm happy about that!)

dysphoria and dysfunction double-teaming a diss track on my dissociated doubt-driven disposition

in spoon theory terms: if it's a day where everything costs me 3 spoons, that's the best day to tackle stuff that would usually take like 3-5 spoons anyway

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days like today when i'm struggling to do stuff i like or even just rest are the worst… but i usually manage to get myself to do important things i've been putting off for a while instead

because if even chilling is hard, i might as well do stuff that's *actually* hard

i would also like to find a more androgynous hairstyle, but i've been saying that for years – well before i knew i was trans! mostly because i've had the exact same hairstyle for my *entire life*…

wish my hair was able to grow longer, but alas

i have no idea what else i would wear! i've historically been very picky but i'm realizing now that my repression has been keeping me away from a ton of options.

the only thing i know for a fact is that i'm not into suits or dresses, and i don't see that changing anytime soon.

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it's nice to have something that makes the guy part of me feel confident, but also… it's all i've ever worn for like ten years now. just a bunch of mix-and-match variations on the same thing

and before that, i was the kid wearing exclusively sonic t-shirts. yes really

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as far as clothes go, the most i've ever found that i'm comfortable wearing is jeans and an abstract graphic tee, with an open button-down shirt on top

the button-down is the part i like best; it's long and flowy and catches the wind when i walk and feels like wearing a cape ✨

i like my little corner, the friends i've made, the people i follow, the small communities i'm part of… it's chill. not much ever happens, except what spills over from other circles.

and the way i hear about those circles, i would not want to be part of them anyway.

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it is… interesting, sitting on the edge of multiple major internet communities, not being in any of them but knowing a bunch of overlapping people from them and hearing rumblings of goings-on, as i sit in my corner of the internet and just listen to the different perspectives…

highlight of my day: trying on a super cute bracelet >///<

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spent half my day with a friend IRL and the other half with another friend watching them stream… it's nice to hear my own thoughts again lol but it was soooo worth it

suddenly and vividly remembering this bit of a short character bio i wrote for Rivers

how did it take me this long to think of making Rivers as a Mii

of course the moral of the story is that this drive thru needs a stoplight

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