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trying to think is like knocking on the door of my brain and my brain just yelling back "we're closed! we're fucking closed! go away!"

give em the ole razzle dazzle. let em know youre in control. death is inevitable, so wow them with the fact that you are, in fact, not dead.

i am extremely agile. i have practiced this agility by purchasing an army of 17 roombas and taping various knives around them. also my ankles hurt.

this 2019, make sure to never let them take you alive

i keep joking about my pronouns but fuck off, dont use pronouns for me. dont talk about me. whatever you wanna say you say it to my face. i WILL fucking cry but you aint gonna misgender me.

im not actually funny but the way i use words sure is a joke in and of itself. its like the fact that an anteater exists. by virtue of the string i thread i say absurd things.

my tub’s temperature control is labeled from “snowflake” to “sun”. i don’t know about you but if someone asked me what the opposite of a snowflake was i don’t think i would immediately blurt out “oh you know, the fucking sun”

kris boosted

frisk, kris and the monsters be like timed lines

i'm accomplishing all my new years goal so far but, like, not in the way i expected. ive been meditating, but at like 3 in the morning. im awake for two hours but fuck im getting my duolingo lessons in. i'm depressed as fuck and barely leave my bed but i've washed my face every day. what gives?

had to reset the wifi box and suddenly everyone came out their room like i killed the president, i aint even seen that many people in the house before, pretty sure i dont have any brothers but their they were. my dog even got pissed.

kris boosted

someone: says something smart
me, already in a rage: *bites them*

you dont get to know what i look like. you have no access to my physical form. you think you have the right to gaze upon me? i am an abstraction.

my pronouns: your holiness
your pronouns: hooligan

the fact that the duolingo owl is so violent and persistent feels like something out of black mirror yet here i am getting death threats from a cartoon owl for forgetting to do my spanish lesson again

i just want a girl who will not judge me when i get the marvelous idea to eat popcorn with chopsticks then cry that it takes two hours to eat the entire bag

why would you limit your own joy in life? you got plenty of other people telling you that you can’t enjoy harmless things because god forbid you can find things that give you happiness. lean into the happiness

shoutout to me for having a terrible 2018 but having it somehow still be an improvement over 2017

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