From the `Your Tech Support Is Bad` Dept.
I don't use my #Apple account.. ever. I've only used it to download the odd exclusive thing from #iTunes. So I had forgot where I put my Apple ID #password and in futzing around before I remembered, I locked my account.
I don't have my #recoverykey
I just spent 45 minutes via chat for them to say "You can't recover this account without the recovery key"... which they could have answered in 45 _seconds_ if they just read my original question.