No one is entitled to private information about their adult child's social or romantic life.

Being someone's parent does not give someone the right to ask intrusive questions about their social or romantic life, even if they worry about them. (What parent doesn't?)

@cassolotl This, a million times! You have no more entitlement to your adult child's life than any other adult. Respect that and you might actually gain a relationship where they trust you with what's going on with them.

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@QueenMollyBones @cassolotl Related: Don't criticise your adult child's choices any more or any more harshly than that of any other adult. For example, if you wouldn't criticise the choice of pictures your work colleague has on their wall, don't do it in your offspring's home, either.

@Anke @QueenMollyBones @cassolotl
As a mom, I think this applies even to non-adult kiddos. It's *never* been my job to police or criticize what my child wears or listens to or watches, nor what friends she makes (nor whether any of those friends are partners.)

Other parents were astounded I "let" her dress herself in pre-school. I'm astounded they didn't. Why deny her that agency? Why not support her choices? As long as she's safe, consensual and empowered, what business is it of mine?

@compostablespork @Anke @QueenMollyBones That seems like a good attitude. :) I guess I was assuming that sometimes you might need to ask intrusive questions to get information that a child might not think to disclose, that might indicate they're unsafe - but having never experienced it first-hand I'm very prepared to be wrong about that!

@cassolotl @Anke @QueenMollyBones

Yeah, there's definitely plenty of privacy invasion (in both directions) during some of those years. And honestly - now that I have an aging mom, ensuring that she's safe, some of those privacy lines get crossed all over again. Taking care of one another is messy - and finding the consensual is important. I think there are ways to do it so that it's respectful and need-to-know vs being controlling. And always, mistakes are made. But intention matters. 💚

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