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Angus McIntyre

It is once again , and so I am once again re-posting this poster for the greatest noir movie ever made.

(with apologies for the use of an "AI” image-generation tool)

@angusm Somehow I always pictured him being hairier.

@angusm @callisto Except for that part of the movie where, after he gets fired, he goes into a downward spiral of booze and drugs and lack of sleep. He stops shaving, grows an inch-long body beard. Then there's a shaving scene to symbolize how he's getting his shit back together again, triggering the beginning of third act.

@angusm Respectfully, it's probably time to make a new image, then.

@angusm Did you notice that the AI gave John three legs? (Maybe because he is partially human and partially elephantic.)

@mrdk John Mastodon ... also known as The Tripod of Justice.

@angusm @briankrebs don’t love the AI-ness of the image (3 legs? About 4x too many toes for an elephant? The door/arch’s bizarrely misaligned silhouette?) but I have to admit it is nevertheless funny.

@angusm that is awesome.

Not to be a jerk but I can only favorite, due to AI stance on stealing artist's work.

But badass :)

@angusm

John Mastodon landed with the troops on D-Day armed only with a slide whistle and a Pez dispenser. Nazi soldiers refused to shoot him because 'they thought he was too brave to kill.'

@angusm John Mastodon was challenged to an arm wrestling contest by Chuck Norris but refused because his upper appendages qualify as Nuclear Arms and are therefore subject to treaty.

@angusm John Mastodon was the person who wrote Neil Armstrong's 'One small step' quote ... he's just too modest to admit it.

@angusm John Mastodon is the guy who picked up Indiana Jones and the Ark of the Covenant at the end of the movie - they just cut that scene to avoid upstaging Harrison Ford.

@angusm Every year, Jay Leno tries to retire but John Mastodon places one phone call: "Dance, little monkey. Dance."

Jay knew that Conan was Mastodon's close compadre. Now Leno weeps bitter tears as he signs the new contract. This is the price you pay for crossing one of John Mastodon's friends.

@angusm John Mastodon started Black Friday years ago after he spit chewing tobacco onto a calendar in November.

@angusm Human's have the Monkey's Paw. Monkeys have the John Mastodon's Paw.

@angusm John Mastodon is banned from every casino in Vegas because whenever he places a bet, the house immediately folds.

@angusm John Mastodon doesn't do paper or plastic, he does graphene.

@angusm

Everyone else 'MacGyvers' a solution. MacGyver 'Mastodons' a solution.