I need to remember to give myself a lot of credit for making this journey at all, instead of worrying that I'm boring my friends or that I haven't been drawing five badges and a comic strip in my motel room between meals.
AC Show more
Gee, I could hit the dance just to feel like I've been to this con at all, or I could go to bed right now because this feeling in the back of my throat terrifies me in the circumstances. As much as I am glad I caught some people's interest, spending the whole weekend busting my tail for small change was a foolish way to start this trip.
Oh wow you know what, if the first seasons of MLP:FiM had been in the '90s, there could have been a heck of a pinball machine. The sets of symbols, the character-themed missions, the quotes. "I have balls stashed all over Ponyville in case of ball emergencies."
But nobody's making new pinball now except this company called Jersey Jack Pinball. I agree with their mission, but I tried each of theirs and I can only describe them as "overwrought".
One more week. I'm working on the puzzle of what will fit in my car and how. My folks are starting to get back in the habit of persuading me to doubt my own wisdom at every step. I sure hope I know what I'm doing.
And the older machines that all play the same but by gosh those artists pushed the envelope of pure libidinous imagination in a way that beams straight into your brain and reminds you what it's like to be really be fascinated with a fantasy, no context, no backstory, just an image you can't stop thinking about.
My day at the Silverball Museum Arcade was everything I'd hoped it would be. $15 for free play of everything all afternoon. So many old friends like Addams Family, Twilight Zone, ST:TNG. Many legends that I'd only had one crack at and never saw again until now: Theatre of Magic, Funhouse, Cirqus Voltaire, Medieval Madness. I put my initials into PINBOT.
I didn't do anything special today, but it's a very weird birthday all the same, and it bears marking. 47. To me, that number represents the one audio cassette I kept when I left the others behind with all my furniture. "Radio Show #47", a sketch show written by the one friend from college I still have, who I'll be visiting on my way across the continent. It all ties together.
I asked myself, what if I were already traveling, on my adventure, and I were in this area, by myself, what would I not want to miss? This question came of working backward from an answer, because not long ago I learned there is a pinball museum arcade in Asbury Park. I must make a day for it soon. And cultivate the confidence that I don't need an excuse.
For a week or two "Paralyzer" has been running through my head, but not because it was relevant to my thoughts or even because I'd heard it recently. It just sort of turned up randomly and then was reinforced when I started to apply the lyrics of "Peter Cushing Lives In Whitstable" to the backing guitar.
petty cage-pacing Show more
Narrative and graces suggest I should at last tell them about my gender sometime before I go, possibly even on my birthday. Prudence argues that if I still can't be sure how they'll react, when they hold my entire life and worldly possessions in their hands and I can't even give them space to think about it is the tactically worst time.
petty cage-pacing Show more
One more month. My folks are being very good to me, but gosh. One more month of the tiny guest bed, the normal waking times, the hours of TV news, and never talking about my feelings because they don't really understand those even on an introductory level and if I start a conversation crying they find a way to start talking about Facebook and interest rates instead.
I finished up that first comic and put it up on absurdnotions.org !
I've got a different perspective about it now; it's not a promise, it's just proof I've gotten something done (subtext: before my possible tragic disappearance in the middle of Nebraska).
Weighing the merits of using Anthrocon in Pittsburgh (July 5-8) to mark the first leg of my trip.
What causes me the most panic and dread, I'm afraid, is the thought of continuing to spend more than a month here with my parents, skulking underfoot, bowing to their recommendations, and cleaving to their routines.
The Tower (???) Show more
A summary, now that I have internet. A fire rendered my building uninhabitable but left the contents of my apartment essentially unharmed. In three days, I have culled and packed my belongings; they and I are in my parents' house for the immediate future.
My mind is set on making a road trip across the country as soon as I can and finding a place in WA. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. I'm looking at the route now and I don't know how I'm gonna do it.
The internet in this hotel can't even stay connected long enough for my email to get through. I've tried a bunch of websites and somehow this is the only one that actually loads.
Seems it's a week for these unpredictably timed urges to lie down and nap for three to six hours.
I've gotten a little sunshine, I've cracked a stubborn part of Anachrony Bold Compressed, and the semifinals of Only Connect have been superb. That may be only a day's worth of something but it's something.
griping Show more
This comes at a time when I'm starting to accept that I'm probably not going anywhere (because for all my trouble I'd just end up being completely alone somewhere else that just stopped being the cool place to be) and I need to re-evaluate just what it is I'm working toward.
griping Show more
Now that the constant noise from the poison lot is done (though who knows if they might BUILD something there later), my landlord wants to raise my rent. It won't hit me hard materially, but I'm angry. Angry and tired. I am tempted to bring up the subject of how lucky they are to have a complacent sucker willing to live here at all.
I've done an excellent frontispiece image for Absurd Notions Chapter Zero and most of a page or two about Biff registering for classes in 1989, and I can't shake the feeling that following through with it, no matter how successfully or poorly, would be the most self-destructive thing I could possibly do without actually physically hurting myself.