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me: posts some absolutely incomprehensible bullshit
all of you:

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i sold all the gold off my account for 200 dollars

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does anyone want to talk about breaking bad

drank potion of shit myself to death (monster energy)

cant miss a beat with the yo mama bits

been really into runescape lately (OLD SCHOOL)

its where i got the name bort from.
its where i met an ex, someone i considered a best friend and a whole lot of people who i've forgotten about now.
I think about where I'd have been without mastodon a lot.

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its been three years since i joined mastodon.

my timeline is just big ben so i think its just me now

the moment that turned me into a conjurer? i spilled milk on my sock and was fueled with rage unlike any youve ever seen before

life at the office would be a lot duller if i didnt have fanfuck friday to look forward to

puts you in an MRI machine but sends sissy hypno brainwaves through the machine instead of scanning you

one person says something that vaguely sparks the dopamine receptors in my brain and i cling to the word or phrase as if my life depended on it. I'm sick.

peter griffin walks into a Taco Bell in Gravity Falls, Oregon he complains about the smell, orders a baja blast and leaves.

me at 10:59, extremely fucking tired but waiting for a phone call at 11: im going to sleep as soon as this is over
11:06, call ends.
me: guess i gotta go to the charity shops now

WORST part of having split dyed hair: when youre done with it and want to do something different

"clothes separate us from animals" ok god believer, explain this then.

going through my book of unethical spells one by one until i cast one that makes my stepdad shit himself

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