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me: posts some absolutely incomprehensible bullshit
all of you:

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life at the office would be a lot duller if i didnt have fanfuck friday to look forward to

puts you in an MRI machine but sends sissy hypno brainwaves through the machine instead of scanning you

one person says something that vaguely sparks the dopamine receptors in my brain and i cling to the word or phrase as if my life depended on it. I'm sick.

peter griffin walks into a Taco Bell in Gravity Falls, Oregon he complains about the smell, orders a baja blast and leaves.

me at 10:59, extremely fucking tired but waiting for a phone call at 11: im going to sleep as soon as this is over
11:06, call ends.
me: guess i gotta go to the charity shops now

WORST part of having split dyed hair: when youre done with it and want to do something different

"clothes separate us from animals" ok god believer, explain this then.

going through my book of unethical spells one by one until i cast one that makes my stepdad shit himself

instead of just blocking someone saying some absolute dumbfuck horseshit in my replies just fucking. deleting their entire fucking reply.

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top time favourite social media feature: being able to delete comments on your posts

shed tears over GLaDOS hows everyone elses portal anniversary going

Gorp, Gronnk? Jesse, what the fuck are you talking about.

haha wouldnt it be funny if you were going to taco bell and then you saw the Pink Rathian from Monster Hunter swooping down towards you

absolutely nothing funnier to me than "heh.... well...." before something intentionally unfunny

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