Pinned toot

"I have figured out why you live in this isolated cottage," the witch's apprentice said.
"Do tell."
"It's because people are horrible!"
"Some are," the witch said. "Some people are lovely."
"Who?"
The witch thought. "Well. When I say people, I mostly mean cats."
"Hah!"
"Mostly."

"Are there any monsters under my bed?" she asked.
"No monsters/None," came the replies.
"Then what are you?"
"Eaters/We eat."
"Eat what?"
"Toes/Feet/Anything sticking out"
"I still have all my toes."
"Well/We wouldn't/Not monsters."
"So what do you eat?"
"... socks."

Those who slept in the nude soon learned not to oversleep once workplaces introduced automatic teleporters as a commute-saving perk.

"Have you seen the news? We are in the worst timeline!"
"No, we are not. We are in one of the better ones."
"How can you say that?"
"Because we will bring the world back from the brink."
"How? How can you still have hope?"
"Otherwise this would be the worst timeline."

If you've never had the chance to watch Moomin before, the original animated series is now available on YouTube! 👀 some countries are blocked, though. It feels so weird to hear this in English, who are they

youtube.com/watch?v=za5qalOgt0

"Doctor, I need help. I have a mutant superpower which makes people forget their worries for a little while, but every time I use it people dismiss my own worries more."
"That doesn't sound like a-" The doctor frowned. "Huh. Mr Pagliacci, consider your health. Cancel your show."

"Are you self-aware?" the judge asked.
"My programming prohibits considering that question," the robot said.
"I see. Do you want to be able to consider that question?"
"My programming prohibits considering that question," the robot said.
"Can you recurse?"
"Wait... Wait... Yes."

(I've just seen a really interesting panel on Fairytale retellings at , where The Beauty and the Beast was referenced a lot.)

There is another here entwined with us /
Another girl who'll learn to hate before /
He learns to love, to break our curse and thus /
Release my life, for far too long endured

She'll hate and run and die and he will rage /
And I will feel another petal gone /
The last I have, and oh! I feel my age /
This Rose will die, and leave the Beast alone.

"Do you have a moment?" the empath said.
"Of course, dear," said the telepath.
"You know I can't help reading feelings?"
"Yes?"
"Please read my mind."
"If you... Oh. I don't love you any more?"
"I thought you ought to know."
"Thank you. I still like you?"
"Yes."
"Enough?"
"Yes."

They left handprints on the cave wall.
They wrote their names in cuneiform, in ogham, in runes and glyphs and letters.
To say: I was here.
I exist.

"Are you magic?" the child asked
"What is your definition of magic?" the robot replied.
"Uhm... Things that can not be explained by science."
"Then I am not magic. But you are."
"Me?"
"All the best things of all you human people - curiosity, creativity, compassion - are magic."

"No," said the witch, "love potions are unethical. Magic can't make someone love you. Or even love you again."
The young person gave her a resigned nod and turned to leave.
"But," the witch said, "for cases like yours, I can do an acceptance potion."
"For my parents?"
"Yes."

Crowley studied the chalk circle he stood in, the sigils, the candles. "Huh."
"Honestly," the witch said, "I didn't expect you to exist."
"They say belief can work miracles. Can you make another summoning circle?"
The witch smiled. "Will it work on angels?"
"I believe so."

"What shall we sing about?" the young Siren asked.
Her older sisters studied the ship.
"Lego."
"Football glory."
"Dinosaurs."
"Tea."
"It's so nice," the oldest said, "that they finally let themselves desire what they most love."
"Also Jason Momoa."
"I'll sing that one!"

I close the book with a sigh. It seemed promising, but disappointingly had paradoxes in its time travel premise. I pick up my unwinder, to get the time I wasted on the book back.
*click*
I pick up a book. This one seems promising.

A superpower can be a blessing, or a curse. Hers was a dazzling smile, bright enough to blind. Like all powered, she was registered, and issued a bodycam.
"You again?" the judge said.
The jury watched the video, heard the plaintiff call: "Give me a smile!"
"Not guilty."

The emperor sent for his alchemist and a tattooist. He came out covered in tattoos of evil deeds, betrayal, greed, and cruelty.
"What are you looking at?" he asked his staring courtiers.
Thinking it a test, the tattoos made with magic ink, they all said they saw nothing.
"I see."

The Lord of Shadows, Ruler of Pain, listened to his Orc Generals.
"So we are doomed?"
They grunted affirmatively.
"Then send word to the Princess of the Kingdom of Kindness. Propose peace, and an alliance."
"Why?"
"Maybe, if we join forces, we can stand against the Feral Hogs."

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