"So, professor, you have been everywhen in your time machine. What's the most important thing you've done?"
"I visited my young self, and learned to love myself."
"Oh, kinky!"
"I meant to say we talked and through that learned to love ourselves."
"My apologies."
"Then we fucked."

"You have a lot of books. What are you going to do, build a throne?"
"What a silly idea. No, I'll build a sofa, so they can be shared."

"The machine is designed to show what our universe looks like from the outside."
"How can that even be a thing?"
"Well, all we see is noise."
"Analog or digital?"
"Er. Digital."
"Parse it as binary."
"Hang on... Oh. It's text. A story. About us."
"What happens next?"

"You are the last?"
"Yes," the last God said. "Gods exist to give reason to the inexplicable, and die when it is explained."
"So what are you God of? Love? Dark matter?"
"No," the God said with a smile, "I'm the God of creating Gods."
It faded from view.

"Here is the magic sword."
"Which only the chosen one can use?"
"Not quite, my lady, it goes with-"
"This shield?"
"Yes, they both go with-"
"Ooh, nice armour!"
"The magic armour, yes. Which only the chosen can-"
"Looks like my size, help me try it on!"
"That's why we're here."

"Here is the magic sword."
"Which only the chosen one can use?"
"Not quite," my lady, "it goes with-"
"This shield?"
"Yes, they both go with-"
"Ooh, nice armour!"
"The magic armour, yes. Which only the chosen can-"
"Looks like my size, help me try it on!"
"That's why we're here."

"May I have a ticket please?"
"Of course, to when?"
"Do you have a visa?"
"Why do I need a visa? My friend went to 1597 with no visa."
"There is enough history since then to keep it fixed. 20th century and younger is still volatile."
"Can I go to 34 AD?"

The Troupe follows the Walking Drum, in step with its beat. The frame and skin many times replaced; the Drum is the same, the beat is the same.
People join the Troupe, people leave; the Troupe moves on, the Troupe is the same. Walking from, never to, in fellowship.

"Why do you hoard gold and silver anyway?" the princess asked.
"Copper, too," the dragon said.
"I've never heard of copper hoards."
The dragon shrugged. "Those metals are the best heat conductors. When I have enough, I will build cooling fins."
"Are you hot?"
"My egg will be."

The thief moved the picks carefully in the lock, listened intently, felt for the response, until the bolt at last sprung open. Did she hear a sigh, a faint "thanks"? Or was it just metal coming to rest on metal?
She smiled, put her tools away, and patted the lock. "My pleasure."

He leaned his face against the mirror.
"I have nobody else to talk to. Will you listen?"
"I already know," his mirror image replied.
"Yes, but..."
"I will listen to you, if you will listen to me."
He thought about it, then nodded. "Fair."

From my mum, with a hat tip to @MicroSFF

The traveler from the past was recently arrived and anxious to please.
The baby was new, and the traveler smiled eagerly. “Aww! Boy or girl?”
The parent’s look was offended, appalled, alarmed. “It will be many years before Sonoma will be making sexual choices. Why would you ask such a question now?”

"I thought wizards live in towers?"
"In isolated towers, to keep others safe from their magic experiments, yes."
"But you are a princess."
"I am."
"And you live in an isolated tower."
"You think a princess can only be one thing? A princess can be anything!"

There is a bird in the forest, small and drab. She has no voice to sing with, so watches in silence.
Those in pain seek her out. They lend her their voice, to let her sing all their sorrow, their rage, their fire and fear. Until it is gone, and she is silent once more.

A raven sat watching the raging battle. Another landed beside it, saying "Sorry I'm late. Who's winning?"
"We are."

The spaceship landed, and an alien emerged.
"Greetings," it said to the crowd that had gathered.
"Do you wish to see our leader?" someone called.
"Not really."
"Are you here to conquer us?"
"What? No!"
"Will you save us?"
"Er... No?"
"Then why are you here?"
"You seemed lonely."

"What do we say to the God of Death?"
"You look tired, are you okay? Would you like a cup of tea and a chat?"
"I... Wait, would you say that to the God of Death or me?"
"Well, both. But you are here, so. Fancy a cup?"
"Yes, thank you."

The dragon smirked at the two knights. "So, who rescues who?"
"I'm sure, if I needed rescuing, my husband would be up to the task," said the first knight.
"And if I needed rescuing," the other said, "I'd trust my husband to do it."
"But who," both knights said, "will rescue you?"

"How can I help?" the witch asked.
"I was blessed, so no man can kill me."
"You are worried about women?"
"And kids, cats, trees, snakes..."
"I do not have the power to bless-"
"No! No. Just... remove the blessing I have."
"But why?"
"They can still hurt me. Let me fear them."

A spaceship landed. An alien emerged, ignored the gathering crowd, and placed a sign on the ground.
It said "Do not touch"
The alien returned to the spaceship, which took off. Inside it, shortly after, an alarm went off.
"They touched it," the alien said to another. "Pay up."

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