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Even after all this covid business is done and gone I'm never going to be over "we are in a panoramic, sweetie"

covid adj 

Boris has announced that social distancing may be scrapped next month and no, actually, I never want a stranger within six feet of me ever again thanks.

It's raining like absolute hell and my umbrella is big enough to cover either me or Mum's birthday cake that I went out to pick up. Agony misery woe etc etc etc

I'm watching The Irish Lads and they keep patronisingly screaming "OH GOOD MAN YOURSELF" at each other every time someone fucks up

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"Good man yourself" is my favourite Irish expression

"D&D is all about power fantasies" I whisper as I write 'perfect juggler' under proficiencies

This is why I'm only applying to places in walking distance bc last time it cost me Β£8.50 in transport and I still didn't get the job

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Like yeah sure can I get a free trial of your services too then. I'll do a shift in your bookstore for a book. I'll do a shift waiting tables for a meal. I'll do a shift baristing for a coffee. I'll do a shift packing fish if you give me a bit of cod for my cat.

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Every interview I get nowadays is just "are you available for a free trial shift? Cool see you then"

broke: "people way too into Prince Sidon from Breath of the Wild"
woke:

My life is a fucking sitcom 

Sleuthed it out, Batman is no longer the world's greatest detective, it's me.

It was a hotel restaurant.

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I'm doing a Kickstarter! This is running for the whole month of May, if you want a little enamel Korok for your jacket it's your lucky day.

kickstarter.com/projects/magpi

#EnamelPins #MastoArt #crowdfunding #kickstarter

My life is a fucking sitcom 

The phone number's a residential number so I know where the hiring manager /lives/ but not where they /work/ god damn it what even am I DOING

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My life is a fucking sitcom 

I do not know which of the fourteen jobs I applied to it was, or where I am supposed to be at [time] on [date]. They never said the company name.

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My life is a fucking sitcom 

I just got an answerphone message from (staticky noises) about my application, phoned them back and got "hello, [town name] location, how can I help?". I said I was [name] calling about my application, and I'd been left a voicemail to call them back? They said if I'm still interested in the position I applied for then I could come round for an interview on [date] at [time]. I said that sounds lovely, they said that's great, just pop by at [time] and they#d see me then.

Hard to get a good seal around two but between the kazoos and the light show he's definitely up in time

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Brother: I'm going to take a nap but I need to be up for eight, can you wake me up?
Me, stuffing two kazoos on my mouth: I can certainly try...

Like imagine I Am Legend but Will Smith can't focus beyond the 18 inch mark. Short movie.

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I hope the apocalypse waits until after laser eye surgery is affordable, if I lose my glasses post societal collapse I am FUCKED.

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