We have twelve bedside USB ports.
That's normal, right?

Perfect, anxiety is precisely what I wanted to start my weekend with

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You defeated the goat in mortal headbutt combat! You get:
-Vieux Carré (rocks)
-Swedish Fish (original)
-Network Cable (Cat5e)

Me: Twitter has gotten so much more civil lately!
*Checks muted word list*
Oh, right...

All of your ill-gotten gains
That you have whipped up to a rich foamy lather, girl.

Nameless gnaw of my pains
Like 300 trumpets and just one is out of tune.

No, @YouTube@twitter.com, I am not anymore interested in checking out the YouTube Kids app than I was the other six times you asked me this week.
Feel free to revisit this discussion if I adopt kids.

Sharing photos in a coworker chat and trying to pick that one work-friendly image sandwiched between all the weird ass furry porn in my phone's photo roll...

TFW your MP3 still has the skips in it from when you ripped the CD in 1999

These are the "Trending for you!" subjects on a brand new, out of the box Twitter account...

Me: Okay, time to focus, gotta get some work done.

My brain: Hey! Remember in the movie Cars, there was that scene with a minivan that had a mattress strapped to the roof? That didn't make sense, because why would mattresses exist in that world?!

My A/C can't keep up with my apartment and the power will be out tonight. If you don't hear from me in 12 hours, I've melted.

Lest you think this might have been for ease of replacement purposes, rest assured - the contacts are welded to the battery terminals.

It seems kind of poetic that the Amazon Dash Buttons were powered by one of the products they could order.

I wish there were manufacturers of modern computers with the same aesthetics as 1970s terminals

*stares at you in bleat*
🐐 @beasthorizon@twitter.com
📷 @furkitfox@twitter.com

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