Apple's password recovery process doesn't even entertain the notion that you might not be surrounded by iPhones.

Oh look, the IRS sent me an Xmas present - a 700% interest charge on their own confessed mistake.

Maybe Facebook Messenger isn't as bad as I remembered?
*immediately finds sponsored content in the contact list*
Yup, it's worse.

Shoulder Angel goat: Just let people enjoy their thing.
Shoulder Devil goat: Everyone who likes Smash Bros. is wrong and it's imperative that you explain to them why they're having fun incorrectly otherwise how will they ever know that you're smarter than them?

takes first pictures of Martian horizon, proving that Mars is flat.

Making crème brûlée, but forgot to buy enough diacritical marks, now I have to go shopping again.

"E! TV" is a harrowing window into how boring and shallow normal people are.

Problem: if I mute posts I don't care about, I lose the ability to reply to each and every one of them to personally inform the poster that I don't care about the thing they enjoy.
How else will people LEARN?!

The extent to which Fortnite is not a game for me is breathtaking.

Remember, remember... I was supposed to remember something today. I can think of no reason why I've forgot.

Idea for a Twitch stream - me trying out popular video games, failing to figure out how they work, and rage quitting.

I think my neighbor must have a skunk that smokes pot

Hypothesis: has the cutest Halloween Twitter icon ever.


Statistics - how do they work? We may never know.

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