These are the "Trending for you!" subjects on a brand new, out of the box Twitter account...

Me: Okay, time to focus, gotta get some work done.

My brain: Hey! Remember in the movie Cars, there was that scene with a minivan that had a mattress strapped to the roof? That didn't make sense, because why would mattresses exist in that world?!

My A/C can't keep up with my apartment and the power will be out tonight. If you don't hear from me in 12 hours, I've melted.

Lest you think this might have been for ease of replacement purposes, rest assured - the contacts are welded to the battery terminals.

It seems kind of poetic that the Amazon Dash Buttons were powered by one of the products they could order.

I wish there were manufacturers of modern computers with the same aesthetics as 1970s terminals

*stares at you in bleat*

Wolf snoots are constantly on the verge of overheating - that's why they must be kept covered in snow at all times.

Remember, people, voice assistants are HERD animals and it's CRUEL to just have one. They need someone to talk to when you're not at home!

This entire room full of web developers didn't know what "Abort, Retry, Fail?" was a reference to.
I am old.

It is way too early in the day for the current level of giddy office small talk...

Got my ibex today, and I'm thrilled with it! ♥ 🐐

Imagine kids starting out in the "open floor plan" workforce watching 80s and 90s sitcoms and trying to understand jokes about workers being so undervalued that their own private offices are kind of small.

I have never seen "Walker, Texas Ranger" before, and in the first ten minutes of putting it on, I've seen Chuck Norris roundhouse kick a guy into an ambulance, and a Native American ghost horse disarm a kidnapper.

I had no idea how much I've been missing out on!

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