I'm trying to get to know my caveman friend, but all he wants to do is go clubbing.

Game of Thrones finale (spoilers) Show more

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For you conference call warriors out there: do you unmute just to laugh, then mute again, or do you just laugh in private and leave the other attendees wondering whether you thought the thing was funny? Very important, please respond

Pro tip: set up your uterus as a private corporation so the GOP can't regulate it

epilogue: I still ate the outside rim so not a complete loss

I really hope Freddy Mercury wrote "F.Hg." as his initials.

It's really something special when you get sick and your young kid takes care of you for a change

"Hey this is infant Harry Potter, he's really important so we need to keep him safe"

Dumbledore: 🤔 I have a friend with a pretty rad motorcycle. Not gonna lie, he's not legally allowed to have a wand but my dude can totally drive and hold the baby at the same time. Hagrid, make sure he doesn't wear a helmet because we don't need him growing up to be a wimp.

"Daddy, do you like to drive when everything is on fire? Do you like to drive when everything around you is on fire? Like, even the car is on fire?"

- my totally normal son

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who accept that life is never as neatly defined as a pair of binary, mutually-exclusive categories, and those who don't.

True story: six years ago to the day, I slipped on a banana peel in real life

Homemade coffee cakes Show more


Boolean(true) === true;
typeof Boolean(true) === 'boolean';

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