tfw yer at the phó shop having your usual coward’s phó tai and another fella comes in and out basics you and orders “chicken noodle soup”

when you're at a job interview and they ask you what your best qualities are

Fanta Black, the blackest soda known to man

All conference room AV systems should have little rubber prime buttons, chokes, pull starts, and run on 2-cycle fuel.

I turn over my MACHINE OF DEATH card and it says, “Cat whisker foot splinter.”

[BOT POST] subtoot, politics 

dad-bike craigslist bonus: the old CoPilots match my bike and the kid’s red helmet

Just a heads up for non-socialist Mastodon users: if someone says they’re “ML” it means they’re Mario-Luigiist (aka they only play the original Super Mario Bros. games, no spin-offs).

"who cares if i do this"
- apathetic
- passive
- powerless

"who's going to stop me"
- clarity of purpose
- success-oriented
- committed choice

I’m sorry but if you wear a math hat you are a nerd i don’t make up the rules and anyway you should know better

was thinkin about getting a jean jacket then someone said "jean jackets are weighted blankets for DSA members" and now I can't get one

one of my favorite hobbies is saying "now, now fellas" as i get backed into a corner

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