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Clerics are way bigger simps than warlocks, like 25% of cleric spells are just "send your god a superchat and hope they answer your question"

@galaxgal

i love old clerics having all these divinity based spells to beseech their god for favors, and then, for some reason, Sticks to Snakes!

like, oh you expected something holy? nah! just a fucking clutch of hot snakes coming atcha!!

i rushed into the elevator this morning and ran into a woman who was hurrying out! we crashed into each other, and dropped all of our stuff on the floor! ๐Ÿ’ฅ ๐Ÿšง

when picking up everything, we accidentally swapped some items before parting ways! ๐Ÿ“‚ ๐Ÿ“„

now i have a manilla envelope with her notes for a big sales account meeting today!! ๐Ÿ“ˆ ๐Ÿ“Š

and she has my manilla envelope with a single printed copy of the lyrics to Bitch I'm Lugubrious by Lil Ugly Mane!! ๐ŸŽค ๐Ÿ—ฏ๏ธ

oh no... OH NO!

covid vaccine 

glad that scheduling and getting my first shot was simple enough, but mildly unenthused that being a Moderna recipient means that once I die I will become a servant to a Pfizer vaccine receiver in the afterlife.

cracking my knuckles, twiddling my fingers, and immediately laying down the sweetest lil'

:dmc_rank_B: :dmc_rank_C: :dmc_rank_F: :dmc_rank_I: :dmc_rank_S: :dmc_rank_Y:

doing things you want to do and blaming someone else is southern etiquette

if you ever listened to anything i said, its your fault

feet and legs in a bathtub. nothing obscene or lewd in the photo, but i am in a bathtub 

this is how tall people have to bathe in this shit-ass world.

odd days are for my torso. on even days i can fit my legs into the water. never the twain shall meet.

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[blowing dust off my Mastodon Posting Terminal] ๐ŸŒฌ๏ธ

it's been a long time you awful piece of shit. ๐ŸŽฎ

every alaskan loves to tell you about how they witnessed some aliens but in a tone thatโ€™s like โ€œyeah aliens totally arenโ€™t real but like, this thing i saw? i donโ€™t know...โ€

every alaskan loves to tell you about bears and to dramatically tell you their โ€œclose encounterโ€ story

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