jackdaw_ruiz @jackdaw_ruiz@mastodon.social

Clerics are way bigger simps than warlocks, like 25% of cleric spells are just "send your god a superchat and hope they answer your question"

@galaxgal

i love old clerics having all these divinity based spells to beseech their god for favors, and then, for some reason, Sticks to Snakes!

like, oh you expected something holy? nah! just a fucking clutch of hot snakes coming atcha!!

@velexiraptor still undefeated

You know what? Fuck you.
*unpeels your orange*

i rushed into the elevator this morning and ran into a woman who was hurrying out! we crashed into each other, and dropped all of our stuff on the floor! 💥 🚧

when picking up everything, we accidentally swapped some items before parting ways! 📂 📄

now i have a manilla envelope with her notes for a big sales account meeting today!! 📈 📊

and she has my manilla envelope with a single printed copy of the lyrics to Bitch I'm Lugubrious by Lil Ugly Mane!! 🎤 🗯️

oh no... OH NO!

glad that scheduling and getting my first shot was simple enough, but mildly unenthused that being a Moderna recipient means that once I die I will become a servant to a Pfizer vaccine receiver in the afterlife.

cracking my knuckles, twiddling my fingers, and immediately laying down the sweetest lil'

Y DE LA BUE-NA

doing things you want to do and blaming someone else is southern etiquette

Heard we're posting feet pics

👣

if you ever listened to anything i said, its your fault

WATCH OUT SLAPNUTS, IM POSTING

every alaskan loves to tell you about how they witnessed some aliens but in a tone that’s like “yeah aliens totally aren’t real but like, this thing i saw? i don’t know...”

every alaskan loves to tell you about bears and to dramatically tell you their “close encounter” story