Jaybird boosted

Celebrities Reading Mean Tweets except it's Twitter execs reading tweets Twitter claimed didn't violate Twitter standards, to their moms

I am cheery because I am finally needing fuzzy socks, aw yeah

Jaybird boosted

Bible: Angels look like a giant wheel of flame.
Renaissance painter: This one looks like my sexy boyfriend.
Bible: No! They have a hundred eyes!
Painter: Cute babies?

It's possible to know that not all men are bad, and gender binaries are reductive, and still daydream about putting men in a timeout for like a 100 years or so to let women run things.

Dealing with the hellscape Show more

Not gonna lie, tonight's good mood is courtesy of (two beers from) a convenience store six-pack.

Dear self: Kitties are adorable! And they make gross stinky poos that permeate your entire tiny apartment. And they cost you a 300.00 deposit. And they get sad when you're gone too long for work (as you often are) and then you have guilt. NO KITTIES.

Somebody posted an adorable tuxedo kitty wanting a home on FB and I literally had to talk myself out of it.

I feel like if I say "I am just done with men right now," the actual good men in my life will understand, and the ones who will wail with horror are the ones I need to be done with. So: I am just done with men right now.

Is this where we come to talk about things that are not the world burning down I could use that today

Living in the hellscape Show more

If orientation was chosen would there be any straight women left

Singleness Show more

Divorce Show more

In college: No one can stop me from stating up all night!!!

In adulthood: No one better stop me from crawling into bed by 10 or I will cut them

There are two medical things Star Trek gets really wrong: that humans wouldn't have solved balding, and that any woman would push out a baby instead of transporting it out.

Fake hair Show more

Jaybird boosted

One of the funniest things ever on ds9 is when Tom Riker is posing as Will Riker and the Big Reveal is him ripping of his sideburns. Someone pitched that idea and everyone in the writers' room was like yeah, that doesn't sound silly at all the audience will totally be like "OMG fake sideburns? That means he's evil." And so they wrote it and filmed it and put it on their show like it wasn't hilarious

I CHANGED MY ENTIRE LIFE TO IMPRESS YOU is way more pressure than anyone needs in a relationship.

S1E1 of new Queer Eye makes me uncomfortable because the dude is SO intent on winning back his ex, that I started to wonder if she should be running from his vortex of emotional need.

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