Pinned toot

what tinnitus sounds like!! 

I even said to Ted (every day, for five days) "I miss my dog. And the cat, but I don't WORRY about the cat." Well, I may start worrying

I have been home for 30 hours and my spouse's cat has basically demanded to play nonstop, and/or attempted to move inside my body. She spent part of tonight on my shoulder like a parrot.

So yes, Science, some cats *do* miss their owners

Ted just shouted "you know I'm online right now, right?!" because all his Star Citizen friends can hear me loudly singing the junior-high choir version of Aladdin's "Friend Like Me" while I sit in the bathtub and surf Amazon looking for shit to add to my wishlist

me: Do I smell a fart?

husband: I just farted, yes.

me: It smells like you were eating peanuts at the circus all day.

husband: That's amazing! I *was* eating peanuts earlier today!

me: Yeah, peanut farts. You smell them a lot in elementary school.

I just said "you go set it up, genius!" to my spouse, and it was supposed to sound genuinely encouraging, but instead it sounded so, so sarcastic

My favorite thing is staying up late to watch '70s made-for-television horror with my cat

Hey! It's a dark and stormy Monday night, so @esdin and I are thinking we'll finally wrap up Lamplight City. Starting soon at (spoilers, presumably)

Me and my bud Sam Machkovech going live with Hypnospace Outlaw now at

Green Book 

"The Hungry Turtle"—loooooool. My friend Samantha Irby helped write "Shrill" on Hulu, and THAT was a reference to the Hungry Brain, a Chicago institution where much, much free jazz has been played

I wonder how much cat fur I've swallowed

at the emergency veterinary clinic 

at the emergency veterinary clinic 

I'm tooting about this because I keep trying to google my pet peeve, and I CAN'T FIND IT ONLINE.

You can google "I hate when people's teeth scrape on forks" but you can't google "stop handing me things"?!?!

My husband is the worst offender. He will just stand there with the item-to-be-taken outstretched, and it doesn't matter what I'm doing, he will just stand there pushing an item toward me, "here, here"

My pet peeve—and I think it's from working in retail—is when someone *keeps* handing me a thing when my hands are already obviously full

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