[looks at long list of stuff that needs doing and isn't getting done]

"i need to get my shit together"

[makes list of steps need to unfuck my shit]

"there we are"

[realizes that i now have a longer list]

"oh no"

come in she said, i'll give you
no kill pet shelter from the storm

The first rule of Kevin Club is we need to talk about Kevin.

Well, well, well, it seems the purple is on the other nurple now

I tried so hard
And tried so hard
But in the end
I didn't really try hard

A smart-contract NFT said to the universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”

you ever just like get the Entertainment Tonight theme stuck in your head on loop

Once upon a time
I was keeping cheeks tight
Now they're only
Falling apart
Nothing I can do
Had to let go of the fart

medical diagram of my friend's injuries in a round of Escape From Tarkov just now

this is, somehow, a round he walked out of alive

Jewish kids on TikTok when someone dies: "may their memory be BUSSIN' "

Q: you hear about that monster truck musical?

A: yeah it was written by Sondheim! Sondheim! Sondheim!

popup IKEA shop where that tiny record store went out of business, it sells one kind of KALLAX shelf

cancelling optical illusions for decades of gaslighting

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