My Friend: "Hey Siri, turn on the balcony lights."

Siri: "OK Cara, the balcony lights are on."

My Friend, Noticing the Look of Shock and Disgust on My Face: "What's wrong, Лі?"

Me: "It's deplorable."

My Friend: "What is?"

Me: "What I just witnessed. You actually allow the help to address you by your first name? How can you stand for that?"

Me: "The cat gets freaked out by the street cleaner when it goes past the balcony. He probably thinks it's a giant vacuum cleaner..."

My Mother, Who Lives in Ireland: "The what?"

Me: "The street cleaner. You know, those cars with a giant brush that come and clean the streets..."

My Mother: "Oh, I'm so sorry. I forgot you lived in a civilized country."

If that's not a confirmation that running away from home at 19 was the best life decision I ever made, I don't know what is.

Retirement plan lol.

You me gathering an impressive collection of sharp sticks and pointy bits of metal in preparation for the Climate Wars.

In Germany, a Murphy's ale and Coke mixed together is a fun and exotic drink.

In Ireland, it would have you publicly executed.

Me: *arrives home at 2am*

My Cat: "Mwaaaw! Mwaaaw!"

Me: "Yes, I was gone for a few days."

My Cat: "Awoooaaaayyyll..."

Me: "Yodeling again?"

My Cat: "Wuuuuuoooll..."

Me: "OK then..."

My Cat: "MUUUUUAAAAALLLLOORRTGGNNAAANGH...." *climbs up half the doorframe like a spider monkey, crashes to the floor and scuttles off*

Like, in the train toilet.

Not like, on the floor or seats or anything. Promise.

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Beer break in Mainz after a 7 hour journey from Dresden...

Will probably need to pee when I leave. Happy, I can piss on the train.

AA is such a scam.

There is literally nothing anonymous about them. First, they make you say your name AND everyone can see your face.

Plus, no one drinks.

2/10 would not go again.

I couldn't help it.

After completing Ukrainian I started on Russian.

Am I mad for pursuing both at the same time?

Oh well. At least I can read Cyrillic now.

I seriously hope I do not have to sue or threaten legal action to anyone at least for another 20 years.

Shits exhausting.

How dare you call me a champagne socialist.

Please use the correct term: Bolly Bolshevik.

Li/Лі boosted
Li/Лі boosted

In a perfect world, nobody would fart in cups.

I'm actually fucking raging.

The screw is supposed to be one of the simple machines?

The SCREW!?

IT'S JUST A FANCY WEDGE!!

Gotten to the point where Ukrainian on Duolingo is getting automatic.

Gotta start reading me some fairy tales in the language now.

Me: "It was a bit hot today, wasn't?"

My Cat: "Ahhhrooahl..."

Me: "At least you don't sweat."

My Cat: "Úblüblüblüblüblhübh..."

Me: "At least its cool now. Will you have the zoomies?"

My Cat: "WOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!!!" *springs into the air and bounces off like a kangaroo*

I mean, any nukes would cause widespread devastation but total global annihilation?

Get real.

Maybe some parts would smoulder and swathes of the population would die agonizing and slow deaths, but won't be annihilated completely.

That's just too easy. Like with Covid, we're gunna suffer for a long time before the lights go out.

And many more will thrive.

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About to write a lovely letter to the unemployment office threatening legal action.

This is the second time I've done this in my life.

Am I proper adult now?

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