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Nolan @nolan@mastodon.social

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In my day, memes were shared by a mule that traveled from town to town

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As you settle into Mastodon, be sure to learn the lingo:
- "toot": a tweet
- "tusking": starting a pointless fight with another user
- "woolly": going viral, as in "wow, that toot really went woolly"
- "extinction event": when a whole instance goes down

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mom: hey son I joined this new Mastodon thing
me: oh shit mom, I coulda helped you find a server, which one did you choose?
mom: well I liked the privacy policy on satanic.bikerladi.es but then communist.blaze.party had the shortest ping latency so

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Lifehack: You can make any word or phrase less than 8 letters into knuckletats through the addition of exclamation marks

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WELL-MEANING FRIEND: You should be a writer!

MY BRAIN: If you put an R in the word 'confused' it can become 'cornfused;' haha imagine if people were fused with corn so often we needed a compound word for it

ME: Thank you. That is very kind of you to say

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the apple tv startup sound should be the “we” from the start of steven universe because it should know by now that that’s what we’re going to be watching on it

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It's bullshit that there's not capital numbers. Sometimes you just wanna scream math!

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the year of linux in the browser

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sometimes @ElfLord and I will just say "Eggs! Eggs! Eggs" to one another IRL. that stands for In Real Life

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At two years old I was killing the house plants by eating all the dirt. My mom sprinkled cayenne pepper on them to try and slow me down. To this day the smell of fresh mud after a rain makes me want Mexican food.

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A relentlessly viral song that incorporates notification sounds from many social media, thus causing a constant checking of phones everywhere

AGDQ Show more

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AGDQ Show more

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This year's agdq got the most cyber ass overlay ever.

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Real life needs a free roam mode with no enemies like "money" and "starvation".

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A $1000 donation from poopy buttmonkey who says "cancer is bad it hurt my mom this money goes to kill the animals"

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(turns to the camera) hi, im an infosec expert (accidentally bumps into keyboard, emailing my bank account credentials to every sender in my spam folder)

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Netflix and chill?

No thanks I'll take crunchyroll and awoo