Being on twitter is like being in a crowded bar with a ton of assholes and a bad vibe, and then navigating over here is like going out for a smoke and feeling weirdly connected to some drunk stranger who is telling you her whole life story for some reason
"AmZo has been poisoning their NutraFruit for years, man. They're all laced with Blissian to keep the public in a mindless stupor."
"I lost a cousin to that shit. He just stays zonked out on the couch all day watching The Feed."
"Well, tonight we break into their HQ to teach them a lesson. Let's take back our minds."
I've got my roller blades laced up and I'm ready to dye my hair pink and race through the city streets wearing sunglasses at night and brandishing a croquet mallet and wearing makeup on only one side of my face. When do we start
AMAZON IS BUYING WHOLE FOODS https://www.theverge.com/2017/6/16/15816174/amazon-whole-foods-acquisition-supermarket-stores
I can't wait for a handful of big tech companies to own the whole world, bring on the cyberpunk dystopia
I am so proud of Mastodon for constantly attracting weirder and weirder people
I thought Mastodon had weird memes like 2 months ago, but the new generation is taking it to the next level
Local timeline on mastodon.social is basically a chat room right now
stop wanting to quote toots and just subtoot your vague, passive aggressive beef like the rest of us decent folk do
I seriously love this new wave of users I'm so happy to have you all and also really excited that you get to experience the software as it is now and not back when we like, had to discuss adding a "report button" and you couldn't properly block people. Mastodon 1.4.1 is so amazing and I'm so happy for you all to have it be your first experience with the software
Hello Twitter users!
If you're wondering when the best time to toot is for maximum engagement and retoots, it's
WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT
Drop the shovel and go enjoy existence. Your life is not a commodity
"what do you mean, app dot app?"
you know how in movies they can't actually use an actually existing app when the characters use their phones, and have to design a generic looking mockup that looks sorta kinda like something you might have used but not sufficiently similar to legally look like anything in particular?
that's app dot app. the grey goo of digital design
okay one more #metadon mastonewbie thing and then i promise i'll stop (for like an hour or something)
listen to catdad, listen closely my dears and repeat after me. say to yourself;
say it out loud and say it over and over til it sinks in.
you can choose to make an account that shows a particular aspect of you. but you don't have to and aren't expected to. you are you, be you and be proud of all of you. nobody cares about if you have Quality Content™
Franklin D Roosevelt is said to have been so grateful to McGee that he mailed him a fresh 🍍 every day, at a time when pineapples could only be afforded by a small aristocracy of triple-verified Mastodon users
New users: Mastodon has actually been around for a long time! It was invented in 1932, when Clyde "Two-Fingered" McGee discovered a new form of "micro-telegraph" that raised the spirits of a beleaguered nation suffering from the worst part of the Depression