aurora @ottumon@mastodon.social

modern authors should have their phones confiscated and all their weird sexts put on display on museums and shit, like letters of old authors

top 5 things you don't want to hear a devil say

thinking about the time the enemy devil had a +14 attack bonus and i complained aloud: "hold on a moment i only have 15 ac i'm going to get hit 95% of the time"

and on the devil's next turn the dm said in a low menacing voice "i heard that somebody here has low ac...!"

🎵 20s in the 20s🎶

The Shitposting of Haruhi Suzumiya

hot tip: don't run in "for a surprise attack" AFTER the wizard has scouted with their familiar and the familiar has been spotted and slain. (it will not be surprising)

it don't feel great when the devil lord commander of an army has +14 attack modifier and 4 attacks/turn when your AC is 15

so, our party is in avernus. the paladin uses his magic rod that always catches a fish to get a fish from a pool of suffering souls. i get an inspiration for cutting it into sushi with a single swing of the katana.

later, i use the inspiration to succeed on an acrobatics check to descend a 30-foot drop by thrusting the katana into the meaty hell wall to slow down the fall. the rest of the party use a rope. the balance is maintained

how is it april already

sometimes i feel nostalgic and miss an apartment that isn't real because i dreamt the whole thing, but the dream was nice

Grammer Chuck

i can't believe the devil that the drow matriarch summoned with a gate spell, who immediately betrayed and killed her, did NOT teleport us to the topside pizzeria to celebrate after he wiped out the whole drow army with a meteor swarm, but instead teleported us to avernus, the first circle of baator

what a perfect translation

i think the quarantine's getting to me because i've been snickering at the line "おれ、ターザン。おまえ、ジェーン。" for a few days now

it's snowing and sunny at the same time. p cool

Laozi says: that's reactable, punish that shit

the angel had a notebook of sins or something which had names and numbers in it. mine had a big ole 6 with a circle arouns it. then they asked "do you know why you deserve this", and i said no, they were like why, then i said "because i unmade it" and the angel looked back at the notebook and there was no number and then my alarm rung and i woke up

had a dream where i was in magic school and when i graduated i went on a magic spaceship to a planet without magic. but it turned out to have magic-eating maggots everywhere so we couldn't leave.

i don't remember how we solved it but i went to hell for it, which i took over with magic, then an angel appeared and was like ok this was just purgatory you gotta go to real hell now.

total party kill

love too apply a mathematical operation on a text and call it translation