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sun tzu you idiot, I will keep my enemies far away, so they don't kill me. you total nincompoop

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today I propose to reinvent the car
*tech investors nod silently*
the first issue is capacity, a car only holds 4-5 people. I suggest chaining together many cars
*tech investors begin to smile*
the second is safety, they crash all the time! I propose a fixed route for each car chain
*tech investors are talking happily to each other in agreement*
the third is price, much too expensive for many people. I propose this system be publically owned
*tech investors scream as they head for fire escapes*

last night my cat curled up against my chest(I was sleeping on my side) and stayed there all night

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My fans have asked: Sweetheart of Mastodon where have you been? I have sailed around the world in a kayak. It was cool. I pet a shark.

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a bag company named themselves after genitals 

If you wrote this as a joke it'd get shot down for being too ridiculous but there's a company called NutSac that makes Man Bags for MEN

nutsac.com/

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once my niece(3 at the time) was being told off for something and replied "well at least I'm not a bitch!"

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Graffiti at the site of the "victims of communism" museum construction site in Ottawa.

yes kanye running for president is a stupid marketing stunt, but last time someone did this they won

all pasta shapes are the same thing, you can use any for anything and even mix and match

a lot of times when like jeff bezos donates a couple million dollars people point out that it's the equivalent of a regular person giving $5 as a percentage of wealth and that's fine, but it still doesn't tell the whole story. he could donate well over 99% of his wealth and still be grotesquely rich

I remember the good old days when smash brothers players were known for bo and jerking off in other people's beds

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one time my dad planned a surprise party for his girlfriend's graduation from flight attendant school but she was a huge asshole to him the entire week leading up to it so he dropped her off at the party he planned and then never talked to her again 😱

canadian media have decided it's cute and quirky that an old white veteran tried to assassinate the prime minister

why do I have to be sick today, a holiday, instead of tomorrow, a workday

only patio seating is allowed to be open right now, but some places don't have patios so they're just setting up tables and chairs in the parking lot

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thanks to canada day for getting me the day off work

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"humans are the disease" factoid actualy just ecofascist rhetoric. average person ruins 0 planets per year. Capitalism Georg, who lives in cave & ruins over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

never forget that reddit took years to ban literal child porn trading on their platform

I ordered donuts to pick up tomorrow, see you tomorrow donuts

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