Pinned toot

sun tzu you idiot, I will keep my enemies far away, so they don't kill me. you total nincompoop

Pinned toot

today I propose to reinvent the car
*tech investors nod silently*
the first issue is capacity, a car only holds 4-5 people. I suggest chaining together many cars
*tech investors begin to smile*
the second is safety, they crash all the time! I propose a fixed route for each car chain
*tech investors are talking happily to each other in agreement*
the third is price, much too expensive for many people. I propose this system be publically owned
*tech investors scream as they head for fire escapes*

last night my cat curled up against my chest(I was sleeping on my side) and stayed there all night

purgatos boosted

My fans have asked: Sweetheart of Mastodon where have you been? I have sailed around the world in a kayak. It was cool. I pet a shark.

purgatos boosted

a bag company named themselves after genitals 

If you wrote this as a joke it'd get shot down for being too ridiculous but there's a company called NutSac that makes Man Bags for MEN

purgatos boosted

once my niece(3 at the time) was being told off for something and replied "well at least I'm not a bitch!"

purgatos boosted
purgatos boosted

Graffiti at the site of the "victims of communism" museum construction site in Ottawa.

yes kanye running for president is a stupid marketing stunt, but last time someone did this they won

all pasta shapes are the same thing, you can use any for anything and even mix and match

a lot of times when like jeff bezos donates a couple million dollars people point out that it's the equivalent of a regular person giving $5 as a percentage of wealth and that's fine, but it still doesn't tell the whole story. he could donate well over 99% of his wealth and still be grotesquely rich

I remember the good old days when smash brothers players were known for bo and jerking off in other people's beds

purgatos boosted

one time my dad planned a surprise party for his girlfriend's graduation from flight attendant school but she was a huge asshole to him the entire week leading up to it so he dropped her off at the party he planned and then never talked to her again 😱

canadian media have decided it's cute and quirky that an old white veteran tried to assassinate the prime minister

why do I have to be sick today, a holiday, instead of tomorrow, a workday

only patio seating is allowed to be open right now, but some places don't have patios so they're just setting up tables and chairs in the parking lot

purgatos boosted

thanks to canada day for getting me the day off work

purgatos boosted

"humans are the disease" factoid actualy just ecofascist rhetoric. average person ruins 0 planets per year. Capitalism Georg, who lives in cave & ruins over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

never forget that reddit took years to ban literal child porn trading on their platform

I ordered donuts to pick up tomorrow, see you tomorrow donuts

Show more

Server run by the main developers of the project 🐘 It is not focused on any particular niche interest - everyone is welcome as long as you follow our code of conduct!