You want to try and deport Vietnamese families to distract us from the laws your lawyer broke on your behalf as your pet tabloid sings to the feds, you deflated soufflé of a man? Dude, we can multitask.

It was the secret fantasy
Of every vato
Living in and out of la pachucada
To be
A MATH TEACHER

youtube.com/watch?v=wvhx5k6ZGf

I've been going through my old Tumblr archive before I delete it, and I found this gem.

I have now have my kid saying, "A-curse you, John Bigbootie! You the weakest individual I ever a-know!"

I'm either getting an award or a visit from DCFS.

3d printed tortillas that have Velcro edges, this allowed that pinnacle of culinary excellence: the self-sealing burrito.

Soooooooo looks like Jack Dorsey went on a retreat in Myanmar, and his takeaway had fuck-all to do with what social media has done to foment the Rohingya genocide.

This is my long-winded way of saying it looks like I'm moving here.

Alex Jones finally banned from the birdsite. Who had to twist Dorsey's arm to do that?

LaCroix tastes like somebody angrily subtweeting fruit.

A guy just got on the bus. He's wearing all black, a Stars and Stripes bandana, two badges (a star and what looks like a police shield), and has a four-foot-tall shofar slung over his shoulder

I have no idea what kind of omen this is.

Proposal: all senior White House officials must take the Long Walk though the Cursed Earth.

All right, team. Time to buckle down. We gotta make it through the next six months, because SIX MONTHS FROM TODAY my next book, The Bayern Agenda, comes out.

What’s in this book for you, you might ask? Imagine if John Le Carré wrote a Mission: Impossible story that took place on a planet that’s entirely one large corporation, against the backdrop of a galactic cold war. Yeah. That.

You can do me what the kids call “a solid” and pre-order it right now. dmoren.com/the-bayern-agenda/

How did "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" become the typical sentence that contains all letters of the alphabet and not "sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow" which is objectively a million times cooler

Space Uncle Warren Ellis speaks for me when it comes to food.

The discourse will continue until after the Universe has collapsed.

They will find echoes of past discourse in the next iterations of the universe.

Yay, the teachers' union and the school district have reached a tentative agreement!

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