Rachel Potato ✅ 🥔 @sanspoint@mastodon.social

@Tom Got two!

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Of course, I'd get my call for scheduling the damn orchi consultation while in the middle of a damn meeting.

So, are there any online therapy services that are not scummy? I've heard questionable things about Better Help, and privacy for example.

$16 well spent!

A picture of me in the cute black velvet babydoll dress will come tomorrow.

Women's clothing, where the sizes are made up and the numbers don't matter. Thrifting for cute femme clothing is a pain in the ass, but I found two cute dresses today. Sadly, I couldn't try them on in the store because plague, and it turns out one doesn't fit.

But the other fits like a dream. $16 for a super cute black velvet babydoll dress is money well spent in my book, even if the other dress I got was a bust.

Have I mentioned lately that I’m girl?

Has anyone heard from @amphetamine at all lately?

We’re gonna look back at her SNL appearance as Princess Peach as the comparative high point of a very dark period, aren’t we?

So how bad is it?

I really should get a septum piercing

No, phone, I did not get any milfs at the store. I got milk.

Though I'm not opposed to getting a milf at the store, at least in theory.

Does anyone have any good resources on dealing with a lack of closure after a traumatic event?

But, of course, how do I get it back?

That's where the professional help comes in, I suppose.

I'm sick of feeling like shit, and being afraid to interact with people in a non-transactional way, and this last fucking year has only proved how much I need even just casual friendships and interactions that I have not been having.

My enemy is myself and my trauma, and I need to beat it. I just need a fucking strategy guide. (Or a cheat code.)

I have a dear friend who this plague has basically destroyed her mental health. She's moving out of the city, giving up the community she helped build, because she's genuinely afraid of everything now.

I don't want that to be me. I want all the shit I haven't been able to do in the last year and change too much to just give it up because of my damn trauma. I had a fucking taste of it, and then it dried up, and I want it back. I fucking deserve it.

But I don't have a goddamn clue where to start here. I don't have a clue how to fight this, and even if I did, when am I going to be in a situation where I can even interact with people like I did pre-covid? The only answer I have for that is "some day."

And I know the longer I sit here, and ruminate, and feel like shit, and hate myself for not being able to just ask someone to hang out—even people I know—the worse I'll be with "some day" gets here.

And I know, 100%, that it's my fucking trauma, and my fucking damage that's holding me back from being able to do what I want to, and being the person I want to be. Even if that trauma was externally inflicted upon me. It's been that way all my fucking life, and it really fucking pisses me off that I've lost the minimal progress I've made.

I fucking _hate_ doing the same work over again. Always have.

And I'm fucking sick of it. I didn't transition to become more socially anxious.

I was also making some fucking progress, too, pre-pandemic, but it feels like I've regressed to the socially isolated teenage version of myself, who only interacts with people through a chat room. I never wanted to go back to that.

But I can't even figure out how to engage with sending messages to strangers. I don't know what do say, I don't know how to say it.

And this comes from experience. I had a bully in fuckin' Kindergarten of all things. (His name was Jerry, and he was a Leap Year Baby. Funny what sticks in your head.) My classmates in elementary school literally ran away from me rather than stay near me, because I had a "disease" that they made up.

Add that trauma to ADHD-brain RSD shit, and, well, it is Not Good Times when I want to interact and be social with people.