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Mastodon: AboutGet the appKeyboard shortcutsView source codev4.4.0-nightly.2025-03-19

#nzcomedy

6 posts6 participants1 post today
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Cats</strong></p><p>Are my wife’s pets my step cats or my cats-in-law?</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/cats/" target="_blank">#Cats</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Epilator</strong></p><p>The epilator took 15 years to develop.</p><p>One to make it work &amp; fourteen to make it hurt more.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/epilator/" target="_blank">#Epilator</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A DayOffcolour joke about Winston Peters
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Sunglasses</strong></p><p>You can always spot Aucklanders …</p><p>Windscreen wipers on our sunglasses.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/auckland/" target="_blank">#Auckland</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/raining/" target="_blank">#Raining</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/sunglasses/" target="_blank">#Sunglasses</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Political Correctness</strong></p><p>Political correctness has not gone mad, it’s just on antidepressants.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/politicalcorrectness/" target="_blank">#PoliticalCorrectness</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Measles</strong></p><p>English measles: “I have measles”.</p><p>German measles: ,,Ich habe masern”.</p><p></p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/measles/" target="_blank">#Measles</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Heisenburger</strong></p><p>The ultimate in fast food, the Heisenburger.</p><p>You can either know where it is or how fast you’re eating it.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/burger/" target="_blank">#Burger</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/heisenberg/" target="_blank">#Heisenberg</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Homeopathy</strong></p><p>Don’t say “Homeopathic”, call it what it is “Homeopathetic”</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/homeopathetic/" target="_blank">#Homeopathetic</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/homeopathy/" target="_blank">#Homeopathy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A DayJoke about pork (The meat)
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Babies</strong></p><p>Jokes are like babies.</p><p>Everyone loves them but nobody wants to see them get made.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/babies/" target="_blank">#Babies</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/jokes/" target="_blank">#Jokes</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Ted Talks</strong></p><p>Ted talks: Mansplaining on steroids.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/mansplaining/" target="_blank">#Mansplaining</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/ted-talks/" target="_blank">#TedTalks</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Pontius Pilot</strong></p><p>Pontius Pilot was a comedian.</p><p>The Bible says he nailed it.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/pontius-pilot/" target="_blank">#PontiusPilot</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Safe Surfing</strong></p><p>Safety First: Always web surf between the flags.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/flags/" target="_blank">#Flags</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/web-surfing-safety/" target="_blank">#WebSurfingSafety</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Washing Machine Cleaned</strong></p><p>I once lived in an apartment with a Smeg washing machine.</p><p>It worked well but to wash my underwear I needed to carefully clean the bowl first.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/washing/" target="_blank">#Washing</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/washingmachine/" target="_blank">#WashingMachine</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Cormorants and Shags</strong></p><p>I looked up cormorants and shags on Wikipedia.</p><p>Seems the only difference is cormorants lack crests and the crested birds just want to shag.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/cormorants/" target="_blank">#cormorants</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/shags/" target="_blank">#shags</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Artificial In????</strong></p><p>I’m convinced AI stands for “Artificial Incompetence.”</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/ai/" target="_blank">#AI</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/artificial-intelligence/" target="_blank">#ArtificialIntelligence</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Cross The Toad</strong></p><p>Why did the chicken cross the toad?</p><p>Because it was a poor typist!</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/chicken/" target="_blank">#Chicken</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/crossthetoad/" target="_blank">#CrossThetoad</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/toad/" target="_blank">#Toad</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Toilet Paper</strong></p><p>No need to bulk buy toilet paper.</p><p>Unwind it to get more than one wipe per roll.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/bulk-buying/" target="_blank">#BulkBuying</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/toiletpaper/" target="_blank">#ToiletPaper</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Pilots</strong></p><p>Why do pilot’s uniforms still look like military officer uniforms from the 1940s?</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/airline/" target="_blank">#Airline</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/pilots/" target="_blank">#Pilots</a></p>
A Joke A Day<p><strong>Butter</strong></p><p>I’ve just realised.</p><p>Butter really doesn’t melt in vegans’ mouths.</p><p><a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/butter/" target="_blank">#Butter</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/joke/" target="_blank">#Joke</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/mouth/" target="_blank">#Mouth</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/nzcomedy/" target="_blank">#NZComedy</a> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="hashtag u-tag u-category" href="https://juliaclement.com/tag/vegans/" target="_blank">#Vegans</a></p>
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